The second he texted me with "*dry humps you!*" I knew any relationship we might have had was over.
I'm getting the same feeling waiting for the web-page to load that has my final grades that I get when I take a pregnancy test. I think I'm gonna leave my computer for 3 minutes.
what is the most politically correct way to ask if he still hangs out with the guy that has blue hair and make meth in his car?
this is not the time for floating mt dew and shots of tequila.
the night got glorious when you tried to do an upside down keg stand with a near empty key and dropped it on your face
She asked me to head butt her and after half a bottle of whiskey that seemed reasonable.
We hit a golf ball off Brady's ass. His dignity flew away into the night.
You gave your boss a bj to get the safe employee of the month award?
so she gave me back a bag of clothing, had some boxers in it...they werent mine.... well that sums up 5 years of my life
If Plan B had a rewards card I would have earned so many free tote bags by now
I'm really proud of my unchallenged ability to convert boob guys into ass men
(440): please tell me you didn't have sex in my dress.. IT'S A VIRGIN DRESS.
what the fuck happend anyway? How did it go from smoothies after work to blacking out?
There are leaves in my underwear?
I'll talk to you in a minute. Gotta put my peacocks away
Randomize
