you know how you have to have just the right ratio of chips to sandwich? same goes for pubes.
the only reason he called me tonight was because I fertilized his crops on farmville.
winter break is going to suck... i have to put away my college personality and transform into who my parents think i am.
if you don't go out with us, what are you gonna do? you're gonna go home and watch biodome and masturbate to texts from your east coast boyfriend and see the facebook pictures from the party when you wake up.
That's what you get for fucking someone nicknamed "wiggle worm"
Do you think if I puke at the gym they think is because I'm going hard walking on the treadmill?
So what's going on?
We hit boys town to get stupid. I mean invading Iraq stupid.
My roommate is downstairs drunk, smoking, and listening to a self help DVD. Please dear God don't let this be the Ghost of Christmas Future.
So when's a good time this week to show up at your apartment in nothing but a trench coat and a bow? Y'know. Hypothetically.
Well you fished my watch out of a possibly vomit filled toilet so I think we're bros now.
I may have just tried to argue quantum entanglement as the reason I was still in her bed.
Just got a snapchat from him that was a video of with the caption "my new apartment" in Brazil. I think we might not be seeing eachother anymore.
He looked me deeply in the eyes and said "I don't want this to be the last time I see you.. Can I follow you on Instagram"
I'm pretty sure I smell like alcoholism and shame. And it's not a pretty scent.
I’ve got a closet full of cosplay outfits and horny boytoy to help me ride out this pandemic
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