oh my god im such an asshole. i just asked the guitarist of bad religion if he was a scalper.
apparently they started giving me water shots and i couldnt tell the difference
remind me to tell you about the ham sandwich empire im building
WTF?! TAYLOR SWIFT JUST WON ARTIST OF THE YEAR OVER MICHAEL JACKSON?! WHAT IS THIS WORLD COMING TO?!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
all i care about is the story behind my toaster ending up in the microwave
This text is addressed to sober me: getting drunk by yourself may have seemed like a Good idea at first bit it can tell you that it wasn't ad fun as you thought it would be
Ps your lap top bag is FULL of empty beets
Whenever I see women with terribly drawn on brows, I just wanna tackle them and redo them and run away. I'll be Brow-lady. The beauty superhero
You've seen the quality of dick pics I normally get. The bar is high.
I achieved the level of drunk I wanted even with the length of dress I was in..
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I had to hose off vomit off my driveway at 9 am.....so hot
Just want the two of you to know, I went to a golf tournament today. Respectable, expensive… Flipped the golf cart. Seriously, I'm 40. What the fuck?
Dude. Got a sore throat. Don't know if it's because my body is rejecting Michigan or cause of the bad ass blow job I gave last night
I'm slowly starting to accept that you have to be a sociopath to be attracted to me
..and by hang out i don't mean fucking then going back home i mean let's get something to eat & watch a movie and fuck sometime in between.
Just remembered someone sprayed perfume in my mouth last night after convincing me it was vodka and that i tried to herd ducks around campus and bring one home.
Randomize