Ok pretty sure I just saw Mike O'Malley walking through the parking lot. I wanted to see if I followed him, would he lead me to the acro-criag, i've always wanted a crack at that bitch.
I hate when my naked walk-arounds are interrupted by someone knocking on the door
Is it awkward that I've slept with every guy in this room?
Only if they know about it too.
and while your girlfriend wears your relationship pants, i'll be wearing my ecstasy pants
Just did a kegstand with my dad. Happy fathers day.
You were doing downward dog and puking off my deck at the same time.
There are too many people on this bus for it to be even REMOTELY okay that I'm wearing a puke covered sweater
You know how I got mad at him for making out with his formal date? Apparently I fucked mine. I'm guessing any exclusivity is out of the question.
And they were awkwardly all over each other in a Christian way.
Please. That's just a patriotism boner. I watched Michael phelps win another medal and had to change my underwear.
Then he started caressing my eye brow. Like repetedly. For at least 15 minutes. It was strangely mesmerizing
Plus now I feel weird sleeping with you. It's like shooting a three legged deer. It's already at a disadvantage and couldn't get what it's full potential deserves.
Looked like a bag of smashed assholes and smelt like a brewery - still got morning sex. Marriage rules sometimes!
If you get that boat I will recruit some boat hoes for you and tape a video and sync it to I'm On A Boat. This is happening.
Today's psa: there are certain parts of your body you shouldn't scratch while wearing fake nails.
you just tore your cootch a new one, didn't you?
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