Same, I didn't even get to be tarzan this summer
Today should be called shooting fish in a barrel day. Every place ive gone to ive met a girl who regrets not hooking up last night. There have not been girls this easy since Fathers Day
I learned an important lesson last night: Jameson giveth, but Jameson also taketh away.
Cruelly.
you realize that if you hadn't mouthed "we're getting laid tonight", i wouldn't have woken up with your ex this morning. just sayin
You yelled "GET TO DA CHOPPA" and burst through her screen door and disappeared into the night. With the goose.
You may have graduated college on time, but my 6th year ass gets to see awesome tits every day just for showing up.
Plans for halloween need to outrank Caesar, Cleopatra and Mark Antony's threesome...just saying
Seriously, do normal people actually get work done being this hungover? No wonder the economy's in the shitter
The bouncer called to give me my shoes back when I got there he said " I'm all cool with fuvking bitches but when you try to to do it in my bar on the pool table you're gonna get chocked out every time"
At least you got your shooes
I am currently watching him baptize himself in a baby pool with a handle of belvedere while wearing a coral dress.
I want to have sex with him.
There's a cop, a pizza guy and a half naked girl outside along with a dog that I don't know. It feels like I walked into a Judd Apatow movie.
woke up with empty beer can still duct taped into my fists and the word "dove" written on the back of my neck
and everyone will high five me and girls will approach me offering blowjobs
Man, coughing on your period is like the biggest gamble a girl can make.
- I'm finally learning to be functional when I'm high. I feel like this is a milestone.
Randomize
