Those kids are glorified dude-bros. It's banal.
the jail released me with 39 mardi gras beads. I need details.
i miss our vodka / percocet laundry days.
Remember the time we were in the hospital and I wanted to steel the arm restraints and use them as sex toys?? Oh college memories....
bad night - i tried for naughty librarian but could only manage to pull off pissed off barrista.
there is vomit in the pocket of my dress coat. i remember thinking "this is a weird place to puke" at some point in the evening, but i dont understand how i did this.
Seriously, I look like I crawled out of a bog. Succeeding at being as undateable as possible.
Hurry up I'm getting mooned by a hobo
Can I fire a pigeon out of a t shirt gun?
Yeeah, I think a threesome is one of those wedding presents you can't register for at Bed Bath And Beyond..
Just threw up in the trash can at my desk. I guess "beating the hangover" eventually leads to this.
Do you ever get so high you're like vibrating
I feel kind of like we’re in a gang and tonight is one of those “people are gonna know not to fuck with us” type of nights. And then tomorrow I am going to learn to pole dance. I’m not really sure how I got to this point in my life… but I like it.
I dunno what to tell you sport. Short of having a shock collar on, you're gonna wanna hook up with people.
There is a sex dungeon behind the wine cellar. This is why I hate showing foreclosures.
Randomize
