I told them the reason I passed out was because of "heat exhaustion." Not from showing up drunk. Good thing this is Arizona.
I am too drunk to deal with your everything. Reread this everytime you feel the need to talk to me.
AND FUCKING MGMT JUST CAME ON. CAN I GO DROWN MYSELF IN LESBIANS OR SOMETHING? IS IT TIME TO LESBIAN
we're fated to lesbian
I don't even fuck like that, he just happened to be in the right place at the right drunk.
I JUST SEARCHED GINGER COCK ON TUMBLR AND THEY'RE ALL REALLY WELL HUNG? I'M CRYING. IS THIS HOW GINGERS KEEP REPRODUCING?
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU?
I have a rash on my arm from the cat litter. Think the cat will be mad that I peed in its box?
She may be more beautiful than I am, but I bet she hasnt pissed in as many public places as me...
You told the guy in Wawa you needed his hoagie for "a scavenger hunt" and then called him a "fuckstained Muggle" when he didn't give it to you. You are a delight.
When I am this hungover I become increasingly grateful for having my own private office
I never thought my selfie stick would come in handy for nudes.
Who knew sons of strippers would be really feminist boyfriends?
I dropped my pants and she just stared until she asked how is that even possible? Best night ever lmao
A world without bacon flavored condoms is not one I want to live in.
I should have known when she mixed malibu and V8. It smelled just like tanning oil and when she drank it she said "Oh well, not the first time."
She's celebrating a tinder-match-aversary and I'm not about that.
Randomize
