just saw an old couple make out...not too sure how I feel about it. though I will admit at one point I was thinking "oh yeah! get that!"
even in the morning, she still thinks my british accent is real.
Come over? It's my birthday
How many times has that text failed you tonight?
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
the three of them together have enough kids to fill a barney live audience.
we went to the store to buy cookie dough and conditionally went straight towards the booze
I want you to come here and listen to her climax and then tell me how funny you think it is.
Things are burning & the world smells of peanut butter. It's beautiful.
Well. Turns up no one actually knows who that kid was. Came in, said happy fathers day, chilled for a while, then left.
Will you judge me if i do shots in my basement closet first? No? Okay good
Oh, and one of the worst parts... his name was Mario. I fucked a Nintendo character.
I'm so pissed theres no male strip clubs around where we are staying I looked extensively
I am in serious pain and you're making dick jokes. I hope you wind up with crotch rot.
Its 9 am & i've been cleaning for 6 hours now with occasional crying bursts and two cocktails. Adulting 101.
I tried making my own red bull with crushed up caffeine pills, bubbley water and flintstones chewable vitamins. The ER doctor sead I'm lucky to be alive.
Randomize
