I cant go down on him yet. All ive had to eat is olives and percocet. semen would only add to tomorow mornings discomfort.
he told me my vagina needed a tic tac
you decided to have a spaghetti fight but then you got greedy and decided to eat it all.
Tonight we are playing Scuba-Keg. Getting keg now. I'll explain when i get home.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Drunkenly auctioned off my bed for 3 tequila shots
for future reference mormans are hard to crack but they give fucking amazing hand jobs.
Also, the drinking age in Japan is 20. At what point in the sky am I allowed to start downing alcohol?
It's great when the cashier at the liquor store asks "weren't you wearing those clothes yesterday"
let's remember the whole point of NYE: to drink antisocial amounts of antisocial drinks, become incoherent, ruin a carpet, talk to a tree, wake up with head sellotaped to toilet. The where/how is superfluous, my vote goes to a cupboard and a bottle of jaeger Questions?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't remember... but I heard a cop threatened to pepper spay my dick
He came over last night and as soon as we started having sex Siri announced "you've arrived at your destination." I think it was some kinda sign
Doing laundry. My jeans from last night smell like chicken wings and motor oil.
Also a shrinking boner emoji would be helpful
The fabulous human disaster: it is him
I just saw a woman give her infant whiskey tits. About ten minutes ago she was doing shots, and now she's breast feeding. Whiskey. Tits.
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