she made me cover her fishbowl with my shirt because she "didn't want to corrupt it."
Dude she has a fucking rock collection. Never will I ever talk to her again.
That's ok. I found a crab leg in my bed and have no pants on.
$1 margaritas. This happy hour needs to end.
he brought me knee pads...is that sweet or weird?
Dude. If I met a dinosaur right now. we'd totally be on the same page. Brainwaves and shit.
Yknow what, if there is a thug life for white bitches, I'm living it. I went out on a date, watched howls moving castle with my brother till he passed out, then went and got some a+ dick, and made it home in time to take my mom to work. Now its 7am, I'm in bed with some free tacos, and when I'm done eating I'm going to sleep. What a great night.
I like how zombie Abe Lincoln and hooking up with a girl were on your same thought process.
I got laid while wearing a shirt with a picture with my little brother deep throating a banana on it.
I vote we get high and sneak off to McDonald's to get mcflurries.
YES. ALL MY YES.
I should've realized you were drunk when you began to point at my crotch while yelling "Funland!!!"
It also means I'm watching porn with mario earphones so i can hear. Possibly the best way to mastrabate EVER
Spoiler alert: my plans for Halloween are going to make our dealer's birthday look like a bunch of mormon ladies having a scrapbooking circle
His parents then knew me as the blackout who took care of him and stole his watch
Ugh. It's days like these that make me wish my bad habits would kill me faster
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