I'm looking for sex. Do you know her?
Imagine two people making love on top of a unicorn . . . my life is the opposite of that.
Tell me why I go to the dollar store for nail polish remover and a ghetto black dude trys to hit on me in the parking lot, then he gets in line behind me with a dousche bag literally and that is his only purchase.
if you can see her tanning goggle line that's officially a deal breaker
She told me my parents were awesome for leaving me uncircumcised...
Can you please tell him to stop calling me ma'am? I'm starting to remember what it's like to have self respect
Discovered a freckle on my clitoris. What have you done today?
Vodka?
Forever.
did i really sing to your nipples last night?
yes. and it was oddly very seductive
Do I really need this much space in my mouth?
Are you already high?
She was horrified when I asked if they had any strap on chin dildos, I was at a sex shop for gods sake must I be judged everywhere
Quick question. How did my clothes end up in your room on your bed and I end up outside your room naked on your couch?
Is it possible to hurt your vagina working out, because I think my Dumbass accomplished that... 😯😟😒😓
Do I even want to know?
Stop calling me, Mom. I'm in his closet. You're gonna blow my cover and I'm about to catch this lying SOB.
I tried to avoid catching feelings but then he took me out to breakfast
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