you were licking his little sister's watercolors and trying to paint with your tongue.
i dont know, i woke up and he was going down on me. i guess i can save his number
i think i pulled off the nice guy thing too well. it just backfired later on when she thought i was actually nice.
i'm sitting in the second floor bathroom drinking coronas in the shower. do not find me.
Why is Kyle using one of my nieces as a blunt object to provoke and attack my other niece?
Turned on my GPS and all that it said in the search bar was "beer,"
they're both probably 7 inches? or 8? I'm shoving a ruler in my mouth trying to figure it out
the scent of your tears make me crave pizza
We were just sitting together and this guy walks up to us and says, "you ladies are drinking too slow", puts a 5 dollar bill on the table and just leaves the bar. Helloooo Taco Bell
One day we'll be rich enough to go to rehab. Until then, fuck it.
I may or may not have hooked up with the cop who arrested me.. Or I can cross hooking up with a stripper in a cop outfit off my bucket list.
There's no sexy way to moan the name Ernest. Or Ernie. This relationship is fucked
Yeah like stabbing myself through the eye with a coffee stir and bleeding out all over the office rug
Don't be upset because I bitch slapped you with intelligence
I had to explain to an ER nurse that I burned my dick playing onion ring toss today, your social awkwardness hardly compares.
Randomize
