My farts woke her up so I pretended to be keep sleeping.
hey remember that time we got really drunk, you tried to find narnia in my refrigerator and passed out in the freezer drawer??
no.
I feel like I spend my weeks apologizing for my weekends.
If im paying 4grand for laser eye surgery, it better help with beer goggles cuz last night was pretty rough.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the question is "speedos?" and the answer is "yes".
It's 3:30pm, I've been out of bed for an hour and spent most of that barfing. We're switching to beer next debate.
He asked me for a pic so I sent him a pic of my boyfriends dick.
He just compared our sex to a grand slam on Wii fitness
You're doing it right
He looks like an accountant with a secret kinky candy filled center.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He sent me a meme at 3am. Usually guys just send me booty calls that late. I think I'm in love
I'd love you more if you were covered in hot cheetos
He was gone for 5 minutes, opened the car door and said, "Don't eat my shit." and dropped Chipotle on the passenger seat. He was gone for another 10 minutes and came back with Coldstone. That stoned.
Brother gave me a harry potter philosophy book for xmas we need to get stoned and talk about this.
Attention, i sprayed windex on me to disguise the scent of sex and regret off my clothes from last night
The same idiot-bubble, now just bigger and louder.
Randomize