How do I say "sorry I gave you and your sister herpes" in German?
The paper boy just woke me up in the front yard again.
she said her black crocs were her 'dress up crocs'
How could I forget your birthday? I have an alarm in my phone to ask you for sex that day.
N.C. cops just used a megaphone to tell me I have a slutty outfit. My life is complete.
I just passed a kid trying to leave on a lawn mower
Martha Stewart has had a one night stand and is unsure if she's had a threesome. I no longer feel slutty.
But seriously. What possible excuse could I come up with to ditch my parents on Christmas to go fuck him?
you said you couldn't hang because you had to masturbate and feed your lizard
Moral of the story: next time my plans include you and bourbon, I'm packing a toothbrush.
Why is it I can't go buy redbull and tylenol pm from a store without getting questions about my health choices?
I left at 4:30 in the morning and I told him it was because I had to take my contacts out
I thought I was really making her scream. Turns out she had a Lego jammed in her lower back.
I don't know, we got really drunk and I slapped her with an ear of corn.
I never thought I'd end up with a prison pen pal through tinder
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