He said he was from Mississippi and my vagina clamped shut like a frightened oyster
Because of no shave november, it's no boys december... pay back
I never once brought up his unibrow when he was insulting me. That's class.
I found them in the kitchen microwaving bottle rockets chanting U.S.A U.S.A U.S.A
I passed out leaning next to a light pole. When the cop woke me up at 4 AM, I told him I was a block away from the apt, just had to stop to make a puke pit stop.
Stripperoke is exactly what it sounds...
He literally sends me dick pictures, EVERY DAY. SEVERAL DIFFERENT ANGLES ..it's like I GET THE POINT.
It was like inception, a dream, in a dream, in the back of a dodge charger.
definitely just forgot to put car in park in front of a police officer and ran into a bush.
you were like "guys ... i think i got fingered while dancing tonight"
our poor poor cab driver
For not really liking Christmas, I have an astounding amount of holiday-themed lingerie
Hey by the way did you notice my third nipple in my snapchat
IM AT A ROOFTOP FUNDRAISER LOOKING OVER THE WHITE HOUSE I WILL NOT RUIN MYSELF
If you wake up with half a an eyebrow.... I'm pretty sure it was a good time.
I woke up at 6:30 in the morning on the A train on 14th street. You wouldn't know anything about that right?
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