I'm drinking till I'm someone else's problem
How does she give head with a nose like that? It looks like she has a plantain stuck in the middle of her face.
For future reference, a lint roller appears to be the easiest way to get glitter out of a beard.
He measures volume by how much weed he can put in it and surface area by how many people can have sex in it.
Dubbing lion king over planet earth. That stoned.
we are playing family charades. my sister pointed at me. everyone guessed alcoholic.
ummm i just drove by ur house and ur passed out on the porch. please call me when u get this
He tricked me into going on a double date with him, I don't like that he's not using me for just sex anymore
Please high five our old drug dealer for me please.
I have so much boob sweat I could bathe a baby
I made her orgasm until she cried. Four years of only having sex with dudes and I've still got it.
Seriously. I'm like, "Wait, we are actually talking about physics in the middle of sex and its ACTUALLY erotic because you're so fucking intelligent I'm turned on?"
The language barrier was annoying .... So we just had sex. That is how you deal with not being able to chat isn't it???
I love how my parents bring water bottles filled with vodka on family trips
I love you so much and not just because your dick is perfect
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