it's a well known fact that sluts are attracted to bright colors
american apparel?
try lime green
This guy just brought his piggy bank into the bar with him. Talk about corruption of childhood.
grab my backpack.....its in the fridge
Yeah it was hard to find an opportunity while fucking him to say "oh the reason my lips taste so salty is because i blew your roomate 15 minutes ago"
You coming home soon, man?
HENBARSCLOSE
Why are there sofa cushions on the floor? And why isn't there a sofa in this room that doesn't have cushions?
Well, my nose won't stop bleeding from really bad cocaine and my purse is full of plastic gold coins. Also, someone saved in my phone as "tyrannosaurus sex" won't quit texting me. Savannah won. Let's put it that way.
She asked if I could convince him so shave that shit off his face so he'll have a snowball's chance in hell of getting laid.
it took us a while to figure out sex on a tire swing, buuuuuuuut MISSION ACCOMPLISHED
I'm pretty sure I'm the first person in the history of this college to rollerblade their walk of shame.
I thought that wasn't a thing ever since she showed you her vag on the dance floor
We just weren't working out together, on a completely unrelated note some guy that i talked to on his grinder account said i could crash at his place
I envy your ninja level of don't give a fuck
Tony's mom to him at breakfast: "I found the shirt you wore last night in the bushes this morning."
My mother just set me up with the son of the man I fucked last weekend. I could crawl under a rock and die OR I could remember the rules of genetics and hope that JR takes after daddy. Wish me luck...
I come home to my brother mixing skittles and vodka. We're all proud of him.
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