Dude, she's so old there's a chalk outline where her reproductive organs used to be.
Her vagina is like Vegas. high traffic and full of glitter.
Definitely just saw a grown man at wal mart wearing high heels and carrying a baby
What the fuck were you doing at wal mart?
He spent most of his night trying to convince people that he had changed and was no longer a sleazebag...he had his nut hanging out of his pants about an hour later.
She cut off the top of a watermelon and is now eating it with a spoon. She's more than half done.
I figured out why I insisted on leaving my sweater on the ground outside. I smelled it and I'm 97% sure I peed on it last night
Lots of alcohol. 3rd graders fuck me now.
Auto correct or actual 3rd graders?
Well his arms broken so they only cuffed his good wrist to his belt. That's how he cast smacked me in custody.
Not after That Night. No. I hate tequila. And it hates me. Very mutual hateship going on.
think before you get married my friend it's my birthday and just got done jacking off
Let he who has not made drunken spaghetti at 3 a.m. cast the first stone.
FML I accidentally sent the text about his bruised balls as a group text that included his brother and my boss.
I can't. I mean he's hot, but there's really nothing else there
You just said he's hot
NO YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND
And then you screamed, "I JUST WANNA POUR MAPLE SYRUP ALL OVER HIM AND RAVISH HIS BODY!!"
so i went over to her house and we played crash bandicoot, ate calzones, and had sex all day. im in love.
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