I want to kish your cheek
My cheeks are in Michigan
Oh my lips are kind of stretchy
Just got a birthday card from Camel. How am I supposed to stop smoking when they care?
There was a photo of his face glued to a lifesize Kim Kardashian cutout. By the end of the night he was doing shots out of medicine cups and making everybody hug it goodbye.
They want me to get them some X for there wedding present. I'm on the way to get it now
Congratulations!! You are the WINNER of a brand new BLOWJOB!! You can collect your prize between the hours of 12pm and 1pm today, anywhere you'd like!!! :)
On a scale of 1 to "bad descision", where does stealing my racist neighbors dog and giving him my roomates dildo for a chew toy rate?
Wow I didn't even consider the possibility of him having ED. I'm gaining so many life experiences from dating an older man
I make one hell of a fire on Ambien. Other life choices not so much. But fire. Fire I can do.
That's not a current picture, because if you look deep enough into my eyes you can still see morals. Not these days.
Thanks for the Beyonce article. In other news, I just passed a man with the state of Florida tattooed on his face.
For starters i called the cops on myself for trying to destroy the ladys decorations
Hey, what's a nice way of saying "Why'd you send me a picture of your boobs last night" without seeming ungrateful?
How does one tell their boyfriend they're pregnant with someone else's kid??
He dicked me, fed me creme brulee, and didn’t make a big deal out of me causing a flood to come outta my vagina
Marry him NOW
I had a date last night. His dog threw up in his bed while we were having sex in it.
Randomize
