FYI, if you pee in my bed (or even let R___ and E___ sleep in it), I will fart loudly during your wedding vows. Trust.
I love having a boyfriend. I just ate pancakes with regular syrup and chocolate syrup, I havent shaved my legs in a week, and Im still going to get laid tonight.
fuck. you.
Dude, I swear her tits are going to give me a concusion.
My fave moment of today was you sitting in a hot pink innertube puking into the ocean in front of a lot of children. i would have held your hair back but the ocean did it for you.
I made weed fried chicken. What have you done today?
You ordered 6 boxes of pizza and laughed in the pizza guys face when you didn't pay for any of them.
if you just come over, i will entertain you
arguing about the color of your bong does not count as entertainment
Exactly. This is the bit where I learn a heartwarming lesson about not making my drinks half vodka
I am now being bribed with one orgasm per every meal I eat. This is the best anorexia therapy ever
I went on a psycho cleaning spree so I feel I've earned the right to spend the day in bed watching porn and eating sausage biscuits. If you bring alcohol you can join me.
All other girlfriends are inferior. You are the chosen one.
you ever just feel like an organ is failing?
Talk about having your cake and eating it he has basically demolished the whole fucking bakery
I'm taking a shower and i'm gonna bring my pocketknife with me
I'm hammerd and his penis is still the size of a giraffe's neck
If I say I hate myself for it does it make it any better?
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