Tell him to shut up cuz i said so. I lost my dollar shoe :(
I was thinking about him in the shower then i get out of the shower and there was a text from him
its like he has a camera inside of my shower that looks into my brain
just saw an advertisement for the rock in the tooth fairy...can you say rock bottom?
Had her hockey skates on in the house. Whole floor is ruined.
Guess which guy you've blown just made me sandwich at subway?
We listened to Rod Stewart Pandora and slow danced in the shower.
I bought him bourbon as a thank you for his apology. What is wrong with me?
I've been called an asshole for a lot of things in my life, but I never thought it would be because of potatoes
You ever fart so hard while you are asleep that you wake up screaming?
Shirley Temple died. We owe it to her to get dirty shirley wasted.
Let's knock shit down like godzilla and have intense sex in the rubble
I'm high. ignore me
he just left the suite without pants on wrapped in Christmas lights
I'm going to preface tonight by saying that I'm sorry for tequila, shopping carts, and having to chase me.
OH MY GOD REMEMBER ALL THAT I LOVE NEW YORK I DVRED BECAUSE I JUST DID
There are leaves in my underwear?
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