she was mega hot - except for the poop under her fingernails
Your mom is more observant then Randy Newman.
He just washed his hands with scrubbing bubbles yelling "They work hard so I don't have to!"
This is the guy who showed up to the first day of class with a 24 pack of coke and a handle of rum in his backpack. He doesnt play by normal people rules.
he asked my vagina if she was excited to meet Leonard. LEONARD. His fuckin penis is named Leonard.
Oh my God. He stopped counting at 22.. His senior year. I feel the STDs infecting my taint as we speak.
He said I was the "egg mcmuffin" of blowjobs. I'm flattered.
I drunkenly took 3 laxatives last night since I felt fat.... this is going to be a rough morning
By early evening I was shouting at the deeply Christian girl to suck my dick inbetween snorting lines of gatorade powder.
Interesting occurrence: the application I use to keep track of my periods and sexual encounters just notified me it had been over 4 months since you were logged as an active partner and ask if I'd like to remove you from my options. Wow, kmsl.
I was so fucked up last night that I peed on his FATHER'S BED and fell asleep there. and yes. his father was asleep in the bed
I'm on the Coaster ride of shame, currently sitting across two nice old ladies smelling like condoms.
Sorry I called bc I needed help peeing outside
But I did it
I'm on a walk of shame carrying YOUR pants. You owe me.
also. when i get a car, the amount of space there is for sex WILL be a huge deciding factor.
Randomize
