I'd wear matching sweaters with you
sleeping like a two year old who chased ambien with a bottle of whiskey.
As long as they suck a good dick I don't care what fruit they have and where they have it
Just so you know, each of my boobs fits perfectly in a martini glass.
no i did not stop my best friend from eating out my sister...bros before hoes
This has been the biggest binge-drinking season of the decade.
Are you asking me on a date where we get shithoused and do some fingerpainting?
IT WAS SO BIG. I FORGOT GOD MADE THEM LIKE THIS.
I don't want a baby! I JUST WANT AN ORGASM THAT ISN'T SELF INFLICTED.
I just got stoned alone and repierced my nose. don't ever tell me I'm unaccomplished
I just got stoned by myself and am eating cookies so I'm right there with you
So the guy I hooked up with during welcome week just tried to booty call me from across the lecture hall at 9am. I don't think he gets how this works...
I miss forts and drugs that made me believe in unicorns...
Has anyone heard from Jamie or has she actually just been having sex for 48 hours?
dude you pointed at my dad's crotch and said I'd tap that. I didn't even know you were gay.
Just went to Meijer. Purchased furnace filters, fishing line, red lipstick and pregnancy test. And if my purchase alone wasn't classy enough, I took the pregnancy test in the Meijer bathroom because Im on my way to the bar and wanted to know if that was a good idea or not. Cheers to no babies!
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