this guy showed up at my house asking for his sword and cape. something tells me i shouldn't drink that much again.
She's the hottest girl I've ever seen before and didn't lose her virginity until she was 19. As men, I take it as failure on our part that hot 19 year old virgins still exist.
I think I dropped my cock ring in your back yard
im trying to stop thinking of him and his amazing dick. every time i do i snap myself with a rubber band. classical conditioning at its finest...and you said i wouldnt learn anything from psychology.
The walk of shame out of a freshman dorm isn't so bad when you're 25, nobody questions you because they think youre gonna bust them for having weed
She said she was jealous that i could wear headbands, then growled at the ground in shame..
She had her insurance card taped to her arm because it was the only thing she "couldn't take off and lose"
My stalker sent me an erotic poem. Who knew anyone could find a way to rhyme birth and girth so eloquently?
My New Years Resolution is to get everyone to start talking like a 40 year old douchebag. From now on, you will only refer to me as Chief.
I would really just like to get laid somewhere that's not on a bathroom floor at this point in my life
It's 11:50 on Friday the 13th. There's a full moon. AND the bride to be just puked on herself while getting a lap dance from a stripper named...wait for it....LUCKY. Is this real life?
She invited us over for cocaine and donuts
I blame everything on you. My broken heart, my fucked up liver and my twisted mind.
She started crying, nearly punched a guy, started smoking multiple cigarets backwards and broke the slide on her bong. Why do I always end up babysitting the crazy ones?
I just bought a slurpee and condoms. God bless America.
Randomize
