he's making romantic advances towards me. and he has a pet snake. 2nd part not relevant, but interesting.
we should become lesbians. not together. just in general.
It was smashing those cupcakes into my face that did it. Junk food and I don't mix.
Ryab! Make hr wtop. Mshe make sme speee. I don want to pee. I want sev. He was so igbad. Redpo.
I dont even care how hung over I am, and how shitty this bus ride will be. That was the best sex of my life and it's a beautiful morning.
Can you please reassure him im not a scary or intimidating person? And that really my entire life is a series of completely ridiculous events that have led me here?
Why is hotel staff askin about the blood in our room
What I'm saying is DOWNGRADE. Like, do you see the caps lock?
Did you cry?
I don't think so. I definitely lost my cool though
Yeah i think jesus would lose his cool in that situation
I, soberly, gave myself a concussion trying to take a pic of my vagina. Fuck you and your hangover.
I hope you get your threesome on vday. I'll probably get flowers and a candlelit dinner. trade you. I wish this guy was more of a slut and had less of a heart. I would like 2 dicks please fuck your flowers!
What kind of terrible faithless God would allow vodka and one ply toilet paper to coexist?
Status: mom bitching about grandma not shutting the fuck up, while not shutting the fuck up. Dear Jesus give me strength or more bourbon.
The internet was right. Snorting muscle relaxers is awful
He's a college graduate, has an excellent job, and respects his family. To say nothing of his 8.5 inch cock. His narcolepsy not withstanding...I'm marrying this motherfucker.
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