I shampoo & condition my pubes, sometimes i wish my face was closer so i could rub against it cause it feels like plush
our cab driver is having phone sex.
Ridin mah bike see you on the moon
He went soft
Wait. During?
Yeah, he was IN. MY. MOUTH.
To make up for the snow days we missed he's making us write a paper on alcoholism. It's like he knows.
U just looked at me and said "wake me up when I'm done eating"
this is going to sound stupid but when I was drunk and thought I was a stripper where I did toss my pants?
i just entered cocaine into my calorie counter.
Don't use the things I tell you while drunk after the bruins won the cup against me
Actually I think I might be dying right now so if I do you have to drink all my vodka
You're so demanding.
I thought you just gave him blowjobs and he criticized your drug use.
Reasons I shouldn't drink... My twitter drafts keep getting more and more emotional.
He told me he wished he could shrink down to a small size so he could live inside my cleavage
You would be proud of me, I did not take a dab at work today.
I texted him back and I am so nervous I may vomit up all of the soup I just ate.
Randomize
