I'm peeing chunks and puking liquid. Did I at least have fun last night?
You smell like a Billy Joel song
I told him he was my first gentile. He was so flattered.
is it just my freshly shaved vagina or is the guy at the end of the table pretty cute??
The coffee from our coffee maker just hasn't tasted normal since we made Mac n cheese in it that one time....
Also yeah I would definitely have to say that one of my favorite things to do is to get high and pet cats.
He's in the hospital yelling at his brother to at least have stuck something "normal" up his ass.
Again?
Actually, I take that back. You can only have it if I'm allowed to French braid the mullet.
It's an open bar. I'm gonna be gone when you get here.
Text me the address now before you're too drunk to text English.
I swear to god....if you can give yourself a brazilian you can take a fucking bullet
Honestly at least you're not debating on whether or not you need to take plan b. But I can't because I spent all my money on pizza.
I have never lost more friends than while playing Uno drunk.
You have got to be the only man who has passed out while getting a lap dance.
So you can text and rub it at the same time? Bravo.
I can do anything and masturbate, if I truly wanted to.
I was supposed to see Marcus tonight and he cancelled. Listen, I shaved my butt hole. Somebody is getting this WAP 😂😂😂😂
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