I just woke up. In the port-o-potty next to our tailgate. an hour after the game started. explain.
gettin drunk isnt as much fun when i can use my own id for it
if this hangover is indicative of how 2011 is gonna be, i want nothing to do with it
My coke dealer 411'd my work number just to see how I was doing and gave me his new number. He must miss my business
I can now tell my grandchildren Central Park has really great spots for quickies...
admittedly, it's a little weird getting relationship advice from the mother of a former one night stand. but she's a wise lady and she buys me drinks, so i'm ok with it.
You were fucked up like a footballbat trying to eat gum off your shoe. And that wasn't even the nights lowest point.
Unless your apartment has 3 am pancakes Im not coming over.
You passed out with your mouth on the faucet, straddling the keg, with your arms wrapped around it
Well I'm sleeping with two of them cause they have nice cars. And the third cause she has a big rack. I'm just really waiting for it all to blow up in my face so I can find a girl I'm actually interested in
hey if you're going to the hospital do you wanna pick me up a taco on your way back
How fast can you get here?\nI need to ride your cock into the sunset.
I pour the whiskey from now on
He was the perfect gentleman on our first date. Took me out for candlelit dinner at a fancy restaurant, held open the door, walked me home, and made me cum three times before he got his.
I'm pmsing pretty hard.. .just cried 3 times while eating a Hershey bar dipped in peanut butter
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