if being creepy is wrong, then i don't want to be right
you made cement angels. it was a great sight.
I am watching the symphony and have decided that violin players probably give really good hand jobs.
you smelled like vodka, i think that's why my grandma liked you
We found you on the floor drooling you kept saying over and over how you were double jointed.
I'm really tired of your booty call eating my fruity pebbles.
Its 6:30 and I'm shotguning a busch ice while taking a shit. Outlook for work today: interesting
Getting my nails done with Diana... I'm going for the keep your friends close and the girl who's dating the guy you want to fuck closer
I can't get over how you look like his sister and he wants to fuck you.
Maybe she'll change her mind but the "go fuck yourself" doesn't seem promising
Only ESPN could find the two ugly girls from a school in Florida
honestly my period and I are just as surprised to see each other every month
I got a lap dance last night from a girl while I was wearing a Captian America onsie. My life does not suck.
My disney ticket is covered in lube, do you think they will accept it?
Thanks for making me a drunk burrito last night and cutting it into bite size pieces, I always knew you were a keeper.
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