Are you trying to threaten my boobs?
so i walk in and shes blowing her vag with a hair dryer. so i asked what she was doing, she said heating up supper.. come eat ;)
i'm so jealous of you right now.
Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
there is a strobe light in my taxi. in what way is this safe.
Fuck going to see The Hunger Games tonight. The only thing I'm hungry for is some dick. Let's go to the bar.
You had one beer and one beer can full of vodka and you took a huge gulp of one of them and called it Emily Roulette
An old lady WILL get vomited on today.
After I was kicked out of the last frat I blacked out, woke up in the hospital with no clothes no phone and no idea what happened last night. But i got hospital socks, thats a win in my book.
When was the last time you wore pants?
Time is relative.
And pants are optional.
If I had feelings, you would have hurt them.
I woke up naked with my work shoes on
pizza hut and my weed lady just showed up at the same time. I feel 22 again.
He washed his dick in my kitchen sink after sex. I think he might be a keeper.
Update: pile o Coke party starting at approx 4 - 7 and going until 1ish to celebrate our founding fathers and love of cocaine and hatred of everyone\n
Do you think it would be weird to add her on Facebook?
You just commited a felony act together, I honestly think we're beyond this.
Randomize
