Is there some kind of disinfectant spray people use? Why would anyone want to eat ass??
I woke up to 'call me' written in red lipstick on my chest. Thats the hottest/sluttiest thing ever. I win at LIFE!
Hey Operation Dumbo Drop... FYI, when you select your date this evening, our doorway is 3'x7'
just saw 2 fat kids fight for the last slice of pizza. Litteraly fight. God Bless America
booty call hours are between 1:30-3:00 AM thurs-sat with the exception of major drinking holidays and election days. please try again
I'm gonna make a mold of your dick so I can make popsicles
Woke up to a break up text for a facebook relationship I didn't even know I was in... 2012 is going to be a good year
in line at jewel. the cashier is puking in a garbage can while ringing up customers. glad to know im not the only one that 2012 is kicking in the face already.
He was president of his frat and had a clap on disco ball in his room... or course I slept with him
You're the Michael Phelps of my vagina. Most decorated Fuckolympian of all time.
Am I going to be on condom boxes?
Please tell me you werent the one who replaced every beer bottle in my fridge with a picture of a baby kitten.
... and if i was..
Fuck. You.
Adulthood is making your own puke bucket.
i just realized I haven't been laid all summer. So sad. What a waste of a perfectly good vagina.
Last night I had a dream that I changed my last name to Vodka. what does that say about my life?
I guess she found the pillow case full of vomit I hid last night: "Oh my God. Oh my God. In my fucking FRIDGE?! Really? Hope your dick falls off there's puke all over my food. Fucking die."
Randomize
