week 6 of class: i have yet to go to spanish sober. i love being THAT girl.
i think the whole apartment complex could hear you beating off last night
Your friends ate a hole through an entire loaf of bread
I popped a zit on your vagina. Don't say I never loved you.
I get way too drunk to be trusted with family heirlooms
I can't believe you big bird do not remember battling a shark last night it turned into a Pokemon battle and big bird over powered the shark
You were so proud of your stupid "magic trick" but all you did was piss on the couch. don't talk to me for a few days.
Aaaaaaand, there's the title of my second book. "One Dick. Six Angles."
Well thank god i want six autographed copies
I'm just saying, I walked in on you blowing a burrito. I now understand how obsessed you are with Taco Bell. And how long it's been since you've got some.
I have an interview tomorrow and listed you as a reference. If they call you, please don't tell them about the time I smuggled a Chalupa out of Taco Bell in my underwear.
Just FYI....you totally yelled out Royals while we were having sex last night lol.
He literally stole all the change that was on my floor and ran away while I was peeing. I have to rethink my standards.
Is it bad that we left the kid passed out on the bus? I think his name was texas. I was too drunk to be questioning this.
I just found an old slice of LIME in my wallet?????????
After we fucked we sat in bed and watched Charlie St. Cloud and he fed me ice cream. It was probably the most romantic thing I've ever done.
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