I bet they all look and smell like Amy Winehouse
I just got asked by a man in the alley if i would like to buy 50 dollars of meat for 20 bucks. Its been a weird day.
Not sure what happened last night, but there are four mini bikes outside and some guy is wearing my shirt passed out in the breakfast nook. Won't be telling the grand kids about this one.
I just remembered Dan asking me all polite in the middle of sex "do you mind if I get behind you?" that was the most polite way I've been asked to do it doggy style
Walk of shame... his parents made me go to church with them first. in my club top sweat pants and slippers. i just slapped god in the face
You tried to tip the paramedic for finding you.
Just hide your weed in your baby brothers shirt. TSA wont check a baby, thats fucked up
Pretty sure that drunken football on the back porch with 6 guys with a champagne bottle was a bad idea....
How do we turn this unicorn pinata into a bong?
New drink: empty coke can vodka water maple syrup. Get on my level
There no better feeling of self control than stopping yourself before telling your girlfriend she gives head just like her sister.
They were supposed to legalize it when there was a chance someone might actually propose to me. I'm appealing this bullshit.
I woke up just like any other Wednesday. Naked on the floor, hungover and covered head to toe in lube
Hmmm, well all I'm saying is don't do anything too irrational because you miss him and are blinded by his large penis.
It doesn't matter how nice the shirt you wore to the bar was, you still shouldn't have worn it to a job interview
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