i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
The best thing happened. Some guy was butchering Conway Twitty at karoke and the power went off in the whole bar. And someone shouted "you pissed jesus off when you messed with conway!"
Found a cheerleading trophy in my shower this morning. Explain.
he will always be the guy i fucked in the hallway.
We haven't even moved into the apartment yet and she has already screwed two of our neighbors. This is going to be the longest 12 month lease of my life.
And by sexy pictures I mean pictures of my penis in strange places. I rock out with my cock out.
She was mad I came so fast. I was like, It's the Olympics! Fastest time wins! We can train you in the offseason.
Scary truckers and hobos. These are the men I attract
Looking through my moms phone and find a pic if a dick. Scarred for life.
I just came so hard my vision went blurry. I can only hope one day I'll find a man that can accomplish what my left hand does on a tri-daily basis.
I don't remember anything after falling in the ditch, but I now have confirmation that my rib is broken. Never drinking again.
I just got the most majestic image of a potato sack full of dildos getting whipped at your head in slow motion.
I'm getting "congrats on your engagement" shots. I need to get engaged more often!
He just felt my tits to find out which piercing I lost.
I just read my D.A.R.E. essay from 5th grade. I'm having mixed feelings about my previous life choices right now.
Randomize
