Will you blow on my dice?
I wish I could get plan B off e-bay so it would be a secret and cheap.
I woke up laying in alphagetti with the message "I'd go get checked asap" written out in the letters.
he met me at the airport with a welcome home sign with a grilled cheese, PBR and a blow job on it. i missed america.
I will give you all my nachos to make this happen
What am I doing with my life
Sleeping with dudes who have peacocks apparently.
You've never sent a girl a dick pic?
Call me old fashioned
We had a One Night Stand 6 months ago but he just Facebook invited me to his wedding. Who the fuck does that.
Do you sleep with the same women I've already slept with on purpose?
Omg I literally just wanna sleep with you right now. Like actual sleep. Not sex. Well maybe. But sleep first
No. We can't get pedicures until my toenails grow back.
he won't tell me his last name, but I know his garage key code
he accidentally put it in my ass, i liked it but didn't tell him that and "accidentally" took his weed.
Whiskey. Because sometimes it's fun to have your hands go numb.
hey, cheif big dick, where the fuck are my panties.
Randomize
