im like that movie w. ryan reynolds, no ones ever going to date me unless they're forced to marry me.
You stayed up for three hours wasted, feeding my rabbit 2 1/2 boxes of girl scout cookies.
Found her laying down in a booth in iHop. She's a keeper.
My drug dealer asked me out. What's the protocal for this?
Sorry i'm not sorry i made out with your dad. It was father's day weekend, get a grip
so if i die before i go back to school its because the thing we found in the hallway that i've been smoking out of is a crack pipe
hey did i steal that bike before or after the ball dropped, casue i might have broken my resolution already
He pulled out, and the resulting cumstain on my sheets is in the shape of a fetus. The irony of this is both awesome and terrifying.
PS- I just ordered a two man zebra costume. Would you like to be my back end?
Why did you make me get in the car with you and then not give me a ride? I woke up in a bar with a blanket on me.
You need to stop thinking about the needs of your vagina and concentrate on the greater good
Do you think Brian would let me smoke while we fuck? I'm not sure ill survive exams without a constant nicotine intake
I made out with a guy so that I could get ahead in the bathroom line, totally acceptable
nothing like a long car ride to make you think of all the bad things you've done
I didn’t want to see that boob. I told her not to show me but she said “no, I’m going to show you”
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