I feel odd... a had sex with a chick and she keept her socks on...
Plus you know he's just 2 semesters and 4 glasses of wine away from "experimenting" with some French major
The only thing that made me get out of bed this morning was knowing that tonight, I don't plan on remembering what happened today
She seriously pointed at the couch and asked me if she could "ride the talking giraffe". I'll never serve everclear again.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Please delete that video of me blowing you. I will repay you with 100 blowjobs even better than the one I gave you during that video. Please. I am gonna be a grandma one day.
I don't really know how to explain this place...it's like I feel like I need an std just to fit in
Regardless of the amount of alcohol you may consume tonight - DON'T take anybody home
You tripped over nothing.. everyone stopped what they were doing and stared..you stood up and yelled "you win this time gravity"..then started chugging someone's drink
I'm considering offering a class on how to find good porn.
I'm working on a search warrant...can u pick up box of Chardonnay...I'll give u cash when u get here...
Yea... I love that ur a prosecutor and drink box wine
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Gave up on finding an ashtray.... just started flicking it in my purse.
There's a stripper getting there at 10 though so hopefully I'm out before the stripper gets there. I don't have time to deal with a stripper.
Do you remember when you first moved into my parents house with me and we came home to find that my dad bolted the headboard to the wall
My apartment looks like the apocalypse of sobriety.
Yeah. 11 people shoved in a clown car for a 1 hour party. I'm too old for house parties.
We blew shit up to. With a cannon.
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