There is a girl getting fingered on my left, a middle aged drink man smoking a bong and two girls flashing the cameras in front of me. I'm in the middle trying to maintain my innocence.
You give one guy a hand job and suddenly everyone wants to get with you
So this text is costing me two dollars because I'm out of the country, but I just wanted to let you know it went well with the stripper last night
I wish my dick could take responsibilities for his own actions
Dude. All those hangovers I never had came back with a vengeance. I just opened the door of this car to barf. The car was not motionless. We are on the autobahn.
I think that's mostly how we became friends.
Well that, and your desire to put your penis in me.
I'm pretty sure there a million tiny ninjas in my uterus poking me with sticks.
My dad just told me I can't passout in the driveway after the 4th of July parade this year, again
There is a guy in class using a wine bottle as a water bottle. Welcome to the Faculty of Environment.
Apparently I was telling them, "I AM A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN AND I DON'T NEED YOU TO HOLD MY HAIR," and I pulled my hair back and puked.
...and if you can get the necessary ingredients to make the Buffalo Chicken Melt, I will latch forever at your Teat of Justice.
And Mike keeps telling Will that love at first sight is true and this is just a shit show. Help.
I just opened a beer with a child's toy at a 5 year olds birthday....can you look up the next AA meeting?!!
Looks like it rained condoms in my room last night
My penis is lonely
So is my ring finger
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