She got her phone back last night. And the first thing I sent her was a picture of me pooping in a culvers bathroom
Seriously.......what do you have to do to get arrested in Vegas???
We need to start having rules for the weekends. Like no more downing 3 shots because we want to slut dance a little harder or because biggie just came on.
I am telling you that nothing wakes you up like stomach acid exiting your nostrils at 10AM
You didn't want to have sex last night because you said your grandpa just died and you didn't want him watching..
Ok say I was sexually attracted to a patient who also happens to be in high school...on how many levels is that illegal? And will I actually hear the laws break when I fuck him
100 proof captain the only man who can make me strip during a snowstorm
He broke up with me because "we're at different points in our lives" I think it's because he saw a drag queen with their hand halfway down my pants
It's no longer hooking up, we have definitely graduated to Sport Fucking....
He said I took his samurai sword off his wall and proceeded to jump off his porch at people coming home from the bar.
Welp, I just herniated a vocal cord during sex. How was your night?
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a taco... I feel like a female Elvis.
Dude. I need you to practice dancing around in your banana hamock. Party boy style. I'll call later with details.
I pay 3K a month for rent, yet last nite I broke into the back of my building, scaled over 2 tons of garbage in heels and took a dirty freight elevator to my floor just so my doorman wouldn't see how fucked up I was
U know ur prob on camera right?
There's glitter all over his bed from my Pink VS panties... I think I might invest in similar styles as a way of marking my territory just incase.
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