there's a booger on my laptop, i suspect it's yours
I'm a gentlemen, chivalry is what i do, i'll open the door, pull out your chair, buy your drinks, i'll even go down first, but when it comes to mario kart, i draw the line. I'm sorry but i just can't let you beat me at mario kart
just saw a man remove a wedgie from his lady's ass. who says chivalry is dead.
we live in such a classy society.
the only human I can compare her to is rosie o'donnell.
My sister got her picture in the pub crawl section of the paper today and my dad said to me "why can't you be more like her?"
he passed out at 11 at a party. he deserved to be stripped down an duct taped to the floor
Fuckkkk i made out with a freshman.....but he's old for his age. THIS IS WHAT HAPPENS WHEN YOURE NOT AROUND.
Did you see the video of me eating a marshmellow on fire?
I'm gonna fuck that sweet little pussy of yours into absolute submission
Wow. Sorry. As soon as I sent that I felt inappropriate. But yes. Bring a sandwich after. Lol
So I had sex in a bulldozer lastnight now that's definitely a first...
omg his dad is hot
... I'm currently away at the moment. Leave a msg since I cannot express how much I can't help you stop ruining peoples lives.
just once i'd like to actually BE there for your crazy drunk stories instead of just getting the play-by-play by people who can't remember half of it
I am at 99 matches in less than 24 hours, I need a tinder rehab program
What did we do last night and why in the fuck were there carrots in my pocket?
Oh man I knew I took that Molly too soon, talkin to some Scottish people lol but don’t like rollin in pizza restaurants.
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