You're always adorable, but when you're drunk, you're like Chia Pet adorable.
his profile picture is a blurry one of him holding a beer. i recognized him instantly.
Frozen waffles and wine. Loneliness-party of one
I met her at the liquor store. I hope I'm wearing a condom
We listened to Rod Stewart Pandora and slow danced in the shower.
Joe decreed the livingroom and the hallway up to the burn mark his kingdom. I think this is the point of 'stage an intervention'
on my way to nyc to take a survey about my sexual activity. if you dont hear from me for a few days, assume they had me committed...
I don't know where he learned to eat pussy but I thought I was going blind
If he thinks that that is an acceptable way to ask me out he is out his goddamn ginger mindddddd.
Dude, you flipped off a cat from my balcony and yelled at it to get a house
Hey nothing wrong with those! I can't believe the guys who let me see where they live on first dates. Even more surprising, I don't stalk them after they've done me wrong.
Pounded a bottle of Moscato in my underwear while watching Pretty Little Liars...am I really gonna be 30 next year?
When I was sick she came over with Call of Duty, animal crackers and a handjob. Honor says I can't dump her until Easter
tbh I think I just dated him for his dogs in the first place.
There’s a stripper dressed like a slutty pilgrim. Is that a thing?
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