I really wish I could go back in time to change the course of events that led to me sitting on the internet at 3 Googling 'Traumatic masturbation' while talking to you about failed dates, and running a virtual restaurant in a video game.
News Flash: Turtles are cuter than Jesus.
Congrats on damning at least 10 generations of your offspring to hell with just one text message. Way to start your morning off right.
I just realized i masturbated to the home shopping network. I either need to get a boyfriend asap, or a subscription to a porn website, or i just need to stop taking ambien
Nick just found a baggie of 3 year old shrooms in his desk drawer and downed it all with cheap white wine. I am not on vomit duty tonight.
Soup is not an acceptable meal before doing that many Jager bombs
ambylanc
what?
there was an amgbulance. iw ish i was in it.
I feel like my teeth are sweating.
If only we could all 3 say fuck school to be stoner flight attendants
If you ever bitch out on 72oz margarita night again, this friendship is over
You're really doing everyone a disservice by wearing pants all the time.
he was extremely fucked up- he thought my sports bra was his boxers. even when his leg wouldnt fit. at least whiskey dick wasnt a problem
At least one of us had a weekend full of money and dick
your were asleep with people making out on top of you. you didn't even look bothered by it.
What happened?
Vodka. Vodka happened.
If the amount of time the owner spent looking at my tits is any indication, I’d say I can probably sleep my way to the top
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