you would pick up someone in the library
Just fyi NOT a good idea to drunkenly insert your NuvaRing after chopping jalepeno peppers
I dinstinctly remember making out to "I believe I can fly" and waving my arms like a bird to the beat.
he drunkenly pissed himself on the deck, in the bathroom, and on my couch within the span of an hour
its like an avodart commercial...maybe he has a growing problem
i'm about to tell me dad "sorry staying in isnt an option. i'm fucking a marine tonight."
i wish you were under my bed. you sexy russian fur trapper.
please. text the right number. youve been sending me these all night.
I threw up in the shower, slipped, and fell in it. Should I try and continue my day or just get back in bed?
It might've been him telling me last night that he "doesn't even need beer goggles to fuck me." When I thought that was sweet, I realized something needed to change.
I mean, I introduced myself as "the after party". I think he knew early in the night he was in for a bangathon.
Dinner was cheetos vodka and whiskey. This is what happens when even your booty call breaks up with you.
I just ordered a "football meatlong" from subway
Fall is here I will miss walking downtown in nothing but paint and pasties
I may not have my dignity, pride or sanity but I have my pants.
I just timed my pee with a stop watch. From when the main stream started to ended. It was 45.1 seconds. This is the truth trust me.
I mean...if Marco gets pregnant, it is either the spawn of Satan or the second coming of Christ (neither of which I want in my life). So let's just hope that he doesn't grow a womb and that we don't have to consider either option.
Randomize
