Update, blind date is cute and fun.
Scratch that, blind date just threw up.
I wish there was a facebook app that filtered my notifications to show only the ones having to do with people who'll fuck me.
She has 2500 facebook friends. I probably should have used a condom.
never thought i'd see a ''climb of shame'' until she came down from the attic in front of the whole party..
It's really awkward/depressing when you are wearing heels larger than his dick
I don't think i can handle my uncle say again that kid rock is a true musician....
Just gave a urinal high five to a complete stranger. Might not be such a bad night after all
He came in both my eyes, then refused to give me a towel unless I found him by playing Marco Polo
he told me he didn't know whether he was gonna puke, pass out, or cum. i don't know if i should be flattered or offended.
You stole my crutches last night at the bar, the DJ had to ask for them to be returned
No, it wasn't really a sexy 'I'm going to go masturbate.' It was an 'I'm going to go masturbate' that implied I was going to drink a tall boy of Mikes and cry while I looked at lesbian porn.
But wait then while giving his drive thru order he goes in mid sentence, "Hey baby it's Travis remember me?"
WEED BROWNIES! He put weed in my brownie mix! And he got it from YYYYOOOOUUUU!
Look at the bright side mom. After 20 years dad is still capable of surprising you!
Shut up Max.
At least he uses his lack of impulse control for chaotic good instead of chaotic evil
The hangover struggle is to real, just passed the drive thru window. Twice.
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