i stapled my math hw together with an ear ring, too ghetto?
you lied. pity sex is amazing.
I'm like cupid
You're a whore with a bow and arrow
Your lower body and my face have had way too much contact lately.
hey watch out, they threw flour on everyone who passed out at their party last year.
Dude she flew me 1000 miles down to see her, broke up with me 7 hrs after arrival, and kicked me out with a week left til I fly home. Thank god college taught me how to shack up
Drug-sniffing dog walked past me and my suitcase in the train station. My opinion: they need a new dog
No more jager for that guy. He jacked the neighbor kids big wheel, rode around making jet noises, then passed out behind the wheel and rolled it and broke his wrist
Is it a bad thing that I'm trimming my nose hairs in anticipation for the 8ball to be delivered?
Remember that time I hopped home naked from the bar, then tried to convince you I was ok to drive you home? Good call on the taxi.
sooo the guy I beat last night in strip pong is the manager's husband at my new job...
I distinctly remember telling him "I'll suck your dick while you eat pizza"
dude, she has my telletubby sweats and my good sweatshirt hostage, I can't risk their safety with a breakup
I feel like you're the sexual bearcat I've always wanted to be.
oh man there are to hot chicks wrestling in a pool of maple syrup. ill send you a picture
this is why i will never break up with you
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