i wanted to go smoke pot, so i told my mom i was getting tutored. she asked what time i would be back, i told her learning doesn't have a curfew
I am unfriending an ex-one night stand because his profile picture is of his wife's ultrasound.
just found my old 10th grade stash of beer in a shoebox. guess who's getting trashed tonight
My niece just threw up all over me. My sister's breastmilk was on my face. This is like a fucked-up porno gone terribly wrong.
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good, we got high then went swimming. shelly forgot to keep swimming so we tied her to the ladder in the shallow part with her bikini top.
Was rudely woken up by strangers at 4:15am. I was leaning against the stoplight at 9th
....I found a picture of what appears to be the underneath side of the barstool (taken from the floor) and to top that, 9 pictures of the ceiling. Also, did I mention there's a picture with us posing with a pregnant lady at the bar?! WELP
he just flipped me off the bed, said "deal with it", and came on me.
Sometimes familiar penis is best. Its like comfort food for your vagina.
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I deserve like a purple heart or something. I just made it all the way drunk through my 2 story house without making a sound. While carrying a trombone.
I'm pretty sure I said "this might be the last time I'm in here" but then I took his pants off so that's a mixed message
I woke up to a shattered My Little Pony garbage pail, a black eye I don't know how I got and no one will look me in the face. Fuck tequila.
I just meant the frequency of your blow jobs on a flow chart wouldn't look too promising
I told two kids in their homecoming outfits to use a condom because of Ebola. I may have saved a life last night
also. got fucked to usher last night. dunno if thats a new high or a new low
Was it at least a good usher song?
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