I keep trying to sit and the chair keeps running away from me
her boyfriend dumped her for my exgirlfriend. so filming our hookup is pretty much a definite.
Turns out my drunken logic and wordsmithing isn't quite the same as the sober version. I'm pretty sure I made fun of the managers mom at one point
I love you. Thanks for all the blowjobs.
Dreamed I made out with a stranger after falling out of a car, let's make this happen tonight.
I believe you called it tequila and nipples. The proceeded to strike a pose.
I ended up naked with smirnoff caps on my nipples. Dignity is now a completely foreign concept to me.
I'm definitely going to class still drunk right now and the freshman dressed as Hugh Heffner last night is texting me. I can't handle this.
No work today. I woke up and someone had written "Markhot Penis = Party" on my forehead in sharpie. Do you know a Mark?
Anywho, an ostrich attacked me today. Fucking useless pieces of shit birds.
You sucked a guys dick who's name was Chad and that wasn't a sign that it was a bad idea?!
I just realized now that you're pregnant we can't use alcohol as currency
my sex drive just dried up, fell out, and is rolling on the floor somewhere.
are you drinking tonight?
I have an exam tomorrow
so yes.
If I had any lingering questions about my sexuality, the strip club tonight verified I'm 100% gay
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