I just packed a bowl in my room and use glad press n' seal to cover it so it wouldn't dump out in my pocket .
all you kept yelling was "i'm bored and i'm sober"
don't ever try to run hungover. just puked mid-run in front of an old couple that were going for a walk. they were horrified.
I passed out leaning next to a light pole. When the cop woke me up at 4 AM, I told him I was a block away from the apt, just had to stop to make a puke pit stop.
maybe almost giving yourself a concussion counter acts a hangover
I really want to title the album "I want to make sex with your face" but I also want a job someday. Temptations, temptations.
just had a memory of me telling homeless mark that it was the year of the bunny and he said "you da bunny, girl"
I just sent her mug shot out in a mass text because I hate her and her cocaine eyes are hilarious.
I HAVE A BLACK EYE FROM A DILDO!! IM GETTING MARRIED TOMORROW! THIS IS NOT A MISSUNDERSTANDING!
I saw a picture of my dad holding my legs in a kegstand. Town festival=success.
Got too starbucks. 3out of the 4 girls working i have ducked and haven't ever called. My coffee has dick written on it. It may contain spit by pumpkin lattes are only once a year
Hey sorry about last night. can I come pick up my tooth?
We got to his house, cuddled while watching game of thrones, then fucked during the repeat airing.
You used your chihuahua as a pillow screaming "HE'S A PILLOW AND A PET" and proceeded to puke in the dog bed
It's volleyball. Just do it. You want to look sporty. Save sexy librarian for another day.
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