hey what are you doing
hooking up with some marlborough girl. shes gorgeous!
i texted you because i like you, and i told my freinds you were my fiance. but sine we're not dating you're not cheating and i'm pathetic
Sry I left before you woke up. The house was really fucked up and I didn't feel like helping you clean. PS Somebody threw up on your dog
I'm scared. I feel like she's my mom and she just walked in on me having sex. Like she's "disappointed"
my mom just asked me, concerned, if I swallowed.
looking at that huge scar on my leg from when i got drunk at 9 AM and walked into a grill. so excited for football season to start again!
The cabbie told us to at least pretend we weren't doing coke while he was driving
Frats are adorable. They make mediocre guys think they're worth a shit.
...the American dream.
So my mom wants me to come swim with dolphins with my little sisters in October. I'm not sure how to tell her I saw a "when dolphins attack" special when I was rolling and am now terrified of them.
Plus he stuck it in when you were sleeping which would have been the tipping point for me but you art school kids are all liberal and shit
Wellp yesterday was spent absurdly hungover and today was spent in planned parenthood so I hope that's not an indication of the year to come
Just saw a rice crispy commercial and got emotional. I need to go home.
Something I can get at drive through, boobs out, don't want to get out of the car
So I told him "To answer your question yes I am naked making pizza pops in your kitchen"
I'm disgusted with myself. Who goes down on their Uber driver? This asshole
You do realize it’s only a matter of time before I have a bad day and come home with an alpaca?
Randomize
