I hate when you've made an ugly girl's day by having sex with her, and then she gets greedy and wants to cuddle after you cum.
Is it bad that I don't ask for names anymore? Just added "gold-chain-wearing hotel guy" to my list under "minivan 3way" and "funny-tasting gym guy."
Living in the dorms has served one purpose and one purpose only for me: to teach me that pooping in public bathrooms is okay and that I can do it
Your first mistake was not throwing your beer at the RA and running
He drops f bombs like every other word and he just gave me 127 shares of tmobile stock for free. I feel like I should pay him back in blow jobs or something.
Let's be honest, I am pretty sketchy looking.
I don't think my professor is going to remember the Halloween party... or the fact that he made out with a priest.
The power of my boobs compel you
I'm planning our wedding on the computer and our threesome on my phone. At the same time.
When she's hammered the amount of alliteration that comes out of her mouth is amazing.
My vagina measures dicks. It's accurate to the half inch.
I mean the power was out what was I supposed to do
Long story short wrist restraints, Apple Watch and cumming all don’t mix
You told him he “could park his dick in your garage”.
Well he didn’t. It shouldn’t be this hard to get a penis.
Put on your bikini and meet me at the pool \nit’s cock o’clock!
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