the girl next to me in class just threw up in a waterbottle during our exam.
i woke up with a wedding ring drawn on my finger...if this was vegas id be worried
just woke up to a get well card i wrote myself when i was drunk. it was by the advil. i am a cocky bitch.
I'm hungover and surrounded by children and Republicans. What did I do to deserve this?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I knew it was on when he was dancing on stage and I gave him a dollar so in return he ripped my tit out of my shirt and started sucking on it IN THE MIDDLE OF THE BAR.
Using your ex girlfriend's little brother to pick up women at the a&p: priceless
You straddled the banister and fell down the stairs, then proceeded to crawl back up them, I think you need to lay down
Do you think if I tell the hot Santa at work that I want a sugar daddy for Christmas that he'll get the hint?
Sad fact: I'm doing that thing where I'm bored so I give myself Princess Leia hair and drink alcohol.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Note to self don't give these guys your number. I've seen more dick tonight than a proctologist sees his whole career
well don't blame me. sometimes vibrators go missing and people get angry. these things happen
There's a man with a stuffed dog and a can of dog food on the L. Should I break it to him?
Best not to. Some people need their delusions.
After we had breakup sex it took him longer to say goodbye to my boobs than it did to me...
Im gonna go lick parts of my apartment. Good night and be ever vigilant, you never know when I'm coming to epoxy your hand to you nipple.
Damn victory sex feels great
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