I thidmdmk you'gre a special person
My wife says its no good to have oral sex during pregnancy. So i guess pregnancy is like regular life.
My cousin's wedding had personal beer funnels for each table and a drinking game against the bride and groom. im sorry for ever calling you white trash
Dammit. I drunkenly drank all my milk at 6 AM in a misguided stupor to prevent my roommates from stealing my milk.
My broken door handle makes it really inconvient for when i need to puke at red lights.
I'll sleep on the bed... The couch is now designated banging area. Any banging performed outside of that area will be subject to fines of cleaning up stains.
That girl next to you randomly said that she fits into a queen sized pillow case
WTF.
I'm pretty sure my lung is caught on my rib. And I can't feel the left side of my face. Best. Sex. Ever.
Fuck romance. Just shaved my nipples in the shower because I felt like it. That's the life I'm about.
I just want to drink cheap wine and throw my bra at an aging singer songwriter
I'm pretty sure my munchies are the only reason Good and Plenty is still around
I woke up at 5am on my couch, naked, with a cereal bowl of water next to me. Apprently, drunk me thought I was a kitten last night. Super impressed I slept next to the bowl all night and didn't spill a drop.
have you ever tried to puke in an automatic flushing toilet? impossible
I got up and left his place at 3am because I remembered I had a burrito in my car.
Omfg I just White Claw shamed a Girl Scout Cookie mom and I feel SO BAD.
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