Farted during a conference call.SBD. permeated the room people were gonna puke.noone could say anything or leave cus we were on the phone with clients. coworkers were outraged.how I still have a job is beyond me.
he thinks im joking when i say don't visit. i mean it's summer...he was the college fuck and now it's time for the summer fuck
there was so much ham clogging the tub drain.. he said it was ok he has a cleaning lady
Today might be the day that I legitimately throw up in my saxophone.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just had a flashback of me saying "I'm not ready to be a deadbeat mom" lastnight.
You called me 32 times last night just to tell me you felt a heartbeat in your vagina?
Fun fact. I am at the police dept. getting served a warrant for unpaid ordinance... and the officer was a one night stand from like 10 years ago.
He wants to buy me a drink to apologize for sending me a pic of his dick. Welcome to my life.
PUT YOUR FRESHLY SHAVED MEXICAN POON ON THAT BEARD. NOW.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hey, if a dude can't randomly belt out Whitney Houston tunes from time to time, is life really worth living??
All I want is a wedding with a dress and a veil and where I can go and my cat can go.
the gnome is staring at me and the pineapple is wearing shorts. I don't want to do this anymore.
dude you pointed at my dad's crotch and said I'd tap that. I didn't even know you were gay.
i’n just gonna forge ahead, gag reflex be DAMNED.
Last night i walked into a gas station to get condoms. I threw them on the counter and the guy gave me a funny look because i was wearing a bra under an open cardigan and no shoes. I screamed "DONT JUDGE ME!" and he gave them to me for free.
Randomize