She wanted to fuck you. You threw up on her. Congrats.
yeah i like to chase my xanax with prozac and then viagra. you're up...and then you're UP
i took my goldfish out of his bowl last night and put him in my bed
Does my status still say I suck cocks? I don't know how to change it
eating kraft dinner with my face. no forks.
4pm on a Sunday....roomate fucking like a wildabeast while I have a organic chemistry study group in my kitchen.
Dude if our hands were ladels we could work at a soup kitchen
That would be so convenient
My mom just walked in and she was like "Who ate all of the cheese?" and all I could think of was you trying to become a human taco
I smell like lime and condoms and I really want a waffle. Fuk
Well, I'm hung over and my penis hurts - two signs of success
I mean obviously I like your dick... Jury is still out on you but your dick is good
If sandwichs had dicks, my life would be complete
Maybe not Elvis quality pharmaceuticals...But some good stuff
I think I just got buffalo sauce on my penis. Is that a turn on or off?
Real life skills section of my resume: blow jobs, food knowledge trivia, sarcasm, mascaera application, sexting, tolerance of rail liquors
Randomize
