Once again you get dinner and all I get is semen on my leg
I wish you could see the look on my boss's face right now.
wtf?
Before you passed out in the middle of the NHL 10 party you had to prove that you were a better fighter than Patrick Kane. Your not. Thanks for the black eye dipshit.
I'm making celebratory pizza rolls. They're a lot like regular pizza rolls, but without the taste of shame.
The bottle I was drinking out of splintered on the bottom, there was glass in my hand, I pulled it out with my teeth... Not the best night for Drunk Kevin
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I feel like my teeth are sweating.
I am sending my doctor an XXXMas card thanking him for my tits!
Do I like my job? I just bought 1/2 oz of pot from my supervisor at work. At a discount. And he said, "pay me whenever."
If a raisin and a desert had a bastard child that would be the inside of my mouth right now
He sent me a text from across the party that said "your sexy." I just couldn't.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm fucking blazing boy. 5hr weed sauce kicked in and my entire face feels like an 8ball of gold bond flying down a mountain of Fresh powder. Just gliding.
We were walking to the bar with a group of people and literally made 4 stops in people's lawns garages or random walls for him to eat me out
Not really how I planned to achieve immortality, but I'll take it.
Got a $290 noise violation last night for shouting "THE KING OF THE NORTH" til 2 am
I love you even if you are fucked up. If you fall, i'll just get on top of you.
The gift for sixth anniversary is steel. He bought me handcuffs. Inee I married the right man!
Randomize