MY DAD AND I ARE ON OUR WAY OUT OF FLORENCE AND I JUST SAW A MAN AT A BUS STOP WITH A GIMP HAND SLAP HIS DAUGHTER ACROSS THE FACE WITH IT.
If I saw her on the street and didn't know about the two of them, I would think the only way she'd ever find love was if she somehow found her way to middle earth and an orc took her in
Don't feel too badly. Until twenty minutes ago my paper was a heading and a pizza order.
How am I?!! The turkey is dry as shit, I'm watching football in low def and there's no beer b/c everyone is in aa. Fuck giving thanks.
Finding a keg in our kitchen would be like god personally high fiving each of us.
She's popping painkillers like they're tic tacs and singing the soundtrack to dreamgirls. It's you're turn to babysit her.
So apparently the only parts of last night I remember didn't actually happen.. When did vodka become a hallucinogen?
All I remember is passing out with an umbrella over my head and waking up screaming bad luck for seven years
As he walked by me and gave me his dreamy smile full of dimples all i could think was 'I gave you chlamydia'.
But in today's society it's frowned upon not to wear pants in public.
My ladyscape is the envy of many and the shangrila of few. I will display it proudly.
Dude I was walking down the street and threw up in a plastic cvs bag. Tequila wins again.
Who the fuck gets injured on a merry-go-round? HOW IS IT POSSIBLE??
Was Mr. ROBOT good? I missed it. I just fucked dental hygienist on the trampoline in my backyard
I hope April is a better month for dicks. March has been very disappointing.
Fucker was flying a Bruins flag. He can pick up the dog's poop himself.
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