do you think they make "congratulations unfit mother" greeting cards?
or abortion recommendation cards.
Hate the very realistic pregnancy dreams. Like my dream when I birthed the pirate ships. SO REAL...
My vagina supports interfraternal relations
See, thats where im at with my life, welcome to the slut yaht we will be cruising comfortably all summer at an extremely drunken relaxing pace S.S. Slut Bucket
Turns out lunch break sex with someone you cant stand being around for any amount of time just makes you wish you had gone to get tacos like you originally planed.
Her dog trainer Fuck buddy is over here again. She sounds like a squeaky toy and he talks to her like he talks to the dog. I CAN HEAR EVERYTHING!!!
It was all fun and games until he noticed the hickey that he hadn't given me...
I had to reschedule my trainer meeting so now I'm just here eating hot pockets
How drunk is too drunk to be on an airplane?
Honey...this isn't my 20's. This is my 30's. I paid for this house and these expensive ass sheets to fuck in them. Get your ass over here.
i gave head in a cab last night. get on my level.
just showered sitting down cuz standing seemed like too much work, thursdays need to stop making me their bitch.
is it sad that the highlight of my saturday night was waiting till 3 in the morning to hear about your saturday night?
Remember how slutty I thought she was when we were freshmen?
Yeah! But that was a long time ago. Plus, you use your sluttiness for good!
I'm at work behind the bar and just washed my mouth out with rumple bc I don't have a toothbrush. This may be a new low.
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