I just hope my dad was drunk enough to not remember the whole convo we had about anal.
i celebrated the independence of our country by dry heaving tequila all morning. so classy. happy 4th.
What's the name of that girl you hooked up with? The one that looks like the fire hose sign.
whos cum tastes better, a guy who drinks apple juice or cranberry juice?
He screamed "Oh boy! Oh boy!" during climax.
i got a blow job in the bathroom during intermission at the hockey game. i'm pretty sure i made Canada proud.
I probably shouldn't have followed up that rainbow sherbet with beef jerky. This is a whole new level of fat, even for me.
i don't understand how she was down there for so long, she's like a mermaid, a blowjob giving mermaid.
how exactly do you say, "i only agreed to meet you for breakfast because i thought we could go to your place and fuck afterwards."
I dont even think your gonna like what I got you for christmas. If not we can take it back and get drugs.
For an hr, you were convinced you no longer had a right arm so you played Super Mario Bros with just your left hand vs Beth. You won btw, mite b why she refused to wear the unicorn head
I encourage you to ignore feeling. Drinking more helps
The FEDEX guy just cock blocked me by getting his van stuck in my driveway
That Spanish guy who looks like Ben Affleck from that club we went to 3 weeks ago is still texting me.. He clearly doesn't remember what I look like.
Do you realize our room single-handedly hooked up with most of that wedding party last night?
Randomize
