wow, so sex, not that great its like masturbating with a warm towelette, like the kind you get at a japanese restaurant
So I just used shazaam to figure out a pairs figure skating song. I don't think I could get any gayer.
No, the sea-green pills were klonopin, the bright blue ones are adderall. you're probably going to have to adjust your plans for the day.
He just came in my nostril. Never look down when a guy is pulling out during missionary.
I think off duty cops drove me home. I may have been hitchhiking
6 margaritas later and free shots of tequila, i woke up with a fat lip and they said i blew my nose in a slice of bread
Cookies. Watch out fir falling satellites.
You have not lived until you've seen your mother stumble into the house with one shoe on mumbling incoherently about tequila cupcakes.
He bought my favorite ceral.. I've guess I've earn the status as one of his regular fuck buddies. I feel honored and proud. His roommates girls don't get this treatment.
Please stop letting me make out with hot lesbians.
Definitely not. I may be your best friend, but first and foremost I am a guy. Please continue.
I just looked into the eyes of the man whose car I peed on last night
He told me that if he broke my bed my bed durring sex he would take me to ikea, but only on Monday because it's all you can eat meatballs. I think I'm in love.
I had sex with him in the back of my car in a duck onesie. I'm worth something dammit.
How did they ever let a trainwreck like myself run a bar?!
fuck sobriety. I want to wake up tomorrow in a park or some shit.
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