If I had a nickel for every time I've used a condom, I'd have... two nickels.
you know you've been playing too much mario kart when you see a curve in the road ahead and see yourself drifting around it
The guy is drinking 5 bottles of beer in a juice pitcher. Fucking amazing.
Yeah I'm gunna date him. I figure its regular sex and maybe feelings will come in time...it worked for arranged marriages...
In the memo line of the check she wrote sexual healing.
Even though we had just had to physically take her off of someones lawn she was peeing on when they came outside, she still insisted on walking unassisted the rest of the way home. It was dignity meets shit show.
idk but i can hear her singing "Call Me Maybe" really slowly and emotionally in the shower right now
Woke up to a sex noise notice under my door...he gets a A+ for proformance and ill be seeing him again.
Remember that time I hopped home naked from the bar, then tried to convince you I was ok to drive you home? Good call on the taxi.
She unfriended me on Facebook after I responded to her long love note with #demtittesdoe. Jager is the goddamned devil.
Desperate times call for desperate measures. But he promised me no small talk so that was nice
How do you politely tell a guy that you only kissed him so he would shut the fuck up?
He told us a story about a time his 80 year old uncle karate chopped a dick in a glory hole.
Update: I spent 10 minutes trying to fish out a rogue vagina weight.
Is it still sex if there's no nudity, no orgasms, but the neighbors bang on the wall and ask you to stop? I've honestly forgotten.
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