I'm not looking forward to the waking up early part. Or actually the wedding part. Or the reception part. But I am looking forward to the meaningless sex with some random guy I meet at the reception part.
I am no longer a man. I just realized I prefer Spongebob to college football.
Exactly. I don't do penetration on the first date. Blowjobs however are perfectly acceptable.
I encourage the greeting beej. It determines if the dick is worth keeping around.
You dont remember anything at all? So you dont remember the shop down my road with the 'TO LET' sign over it? You were adamant that the 'I' had fallen off and that it used to say TOILET...so you took a shit right there in the doorway.
so I'm in athletic shorts, a suit jacket and I'm still drunk at 6:30am at the last leg of relay for life
Try not to bring up the fact that I woke up and couldn't find my pants... He might get the wrong idea.
He just kept petting my ear and informing me that I wasn't one of the guys
Just had a flashback of you announcing "your nipples aren't that big for the size of your boobs, I've seen them"
Does making ice cubes at 4 in the morning count as being productive?
Sarah likes to play this game where she leaves her thongs at every party. she hides them where hopefully gf's will find them. I caught her naked from the waste down in my freezer this morning
He just showed up at my house and was like "have you seen an axe laying around?" he wasnt wearing any shoes.
i told him i was allergic to semen. he pulled out an epipen.
I don't know what that means. But if you take off your pants, you'll probably get arrested.
Start warming up your vocal cords, because Fucking With The Windows Open season has arrived.
HE MIGHT HAVE YOUR BUTTHOLE, BUT HE CANT HAVE YOUR HEART. THATS MINE.
Randomize
