All she gave me for breakfast was raw toast. How can she expect me to eat raw toast?
You mean bread?
I need a booty call who doesn't know my boyfriend or my friends.
just saw an advertisement for the rock in the tooth fairy...can you say rock bottom?
I feel that my census will not be the first census submitted soaked in beer
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He's doing the single life. He recently finished like a 3 year relationship. You can't date him.
But I don't want to date him. I just want to look at him. Naked. And in my bed.
I woke up wearing nothing but his lifeguard whistle..
She poured a bottle of rum in the champagne fountain, did like 5 jello shots at the same time, then lit herself on fire. Twice. This is how everyone should turn 21.
Just got invited out of group to take shots after hearing her gay friend say "why would I give him my alcohol so you can suck his dick. It's going to be a good night
if you ever get a chance to, fuck in a lecture hall. great acoustics. highly recommend it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
why does drunk me think that doing things like throwing up on my desk and all over my 15 page lab report is okay
I'm willing to share. He can have sloppy seconds.
I walked over and you were apologizing to him because you're lady gaga and he's not. The best part was that he forgave you.
yeah the highlight of my day was the 911 operator telling me they had frantically been trying to figure out where i was
You're just upset because I have cupcakes and boobs and you don't.
If waffles and beer don't scream "fuck me!" then I don't know what else to do.
Randomize