Goodnight my chunky, little, marshmallow muncher
a queef is a wish your heart makes.
You American Chicks are so confusing....1 day you are on my nuts next day you be trippin
Dude its not just American chicks...a small penis is the same in every language
After all you put him through, I think it was only right that you saluted the bartender when you left.
You were too busy being proud of your penis shaped pancakes to notice...
planned ethnic drinking holidays while bored at work thru next may. I don't suppose you have any scots or russian in you?
I just got checked out by a paramedic whilst their sirens were on. I'm doing something right
Dress was in bathroom covered in shards of glass, earrings on living room floor, bracelet still missing, purse in backyard. The cast of Princess Bride all left the bar to make sure I was ok. Perfect night
Woke up with an e-cig stuck in my asshole. Explain.
I should not be allowed to reproduce. The world doesn't need my sarcastic asshole demon spawn in child form
Slept with the roommate last night and also discovered that she believes in eugenics. I may need to slow down my drinking
I didn't realize how much I relied on you for a reason to drink on tuesday
Its really awkward pooping while on videochat. Even if you turn the video off.
It started off with wine and ended up with me in only my pearls and heels. It was about the classiest sexual experience I've ever had.
These business classes have improved my drug business ten fold
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