so I was just driving high and I stopped to let a pinecone cross the road because I thought it was a hedgehog.
i'm surrounded by gay midgets. not sure if i'm bragging or asking you to come rescue me. wait for follow up.
Mustard is by no means a replacement for yellow wall paint
I'll be honest. I knew what I was getting into. I'm not proud, but I'll be damned if I'm ashamed. 6 month draught is over. That's justice.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I lost a little respect for your boyfriend when I learned that he has a scar from a Cheerio.
I just realized I turned down a booty call too. To make cheesecake. God help us all
How do I know I'm high? Let me count the ways.
1. I put the milk in the cupboard, 2. Everything tastes fucking amazing, 3. My dog is really soft, 4. The lunesta butterfly flew out of my tv and touched me
So ive narrowed my options down to getting food or masturbating. Don't judge me
holy shit thats the most artistic dick pic ever
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If I get there and all he has for my big valentines surprise is his body, I'm dumping his ass and posting his dirty pictures on a porn site so people can laugh at him.
And all you did was hit on me and do things "for America", so you weren't judged heavily
you just won the triple crown of sex! your prize is more sex.
And if you haven't kicked a pigeon you haven't started your morning right
I feel like any time there's that much rope, lingerie, and horse masks on the ground, it's safe to say it was a great night
Can I come over?
Sorry I gave up dick for lent. Hit me up on Good Friday tho
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