Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
Yeah..And after he fingered me, he wiped it on my face and laughed.
ew wtf
So thats when I found out ur supposed to put the penut butter on your balls not your dogs balls, feels alot better
just so you know, the uglier twin gives better bjs..don't be deceived
we were pretty classy up until the second keg
Jeff just maced a waitress...it's way too early for this.
We both bought three foot bongs...going to race to see who can smoke a mile first.
Your grammar in that last text message was so awful.. My vagina wants to go crawl in a hole, and never speak to you again.
We won't have time to talk.. I'll be rolling you a blunt and you'll be getting naked.
someone stole all your weed so you told us you were planning each of our deaths
i definitely signed you up to receive text message notifications from a jukebox last night. Not even sorry.
Are ropes allowed in during conjugals?
I'm officially disproving the fact that a hoe never gets cold bc this hoe is COLD.
Just woke up in a Price Chopper bathroom stall with a half eaten cake on the floor. Had to get a ride from the waitress I made out with. What happened to "Don't let me drink Tequila?"
I lied.
Mike fell asleep with his hand down my pants. I'm clearly an enticing person.
Randomize
