Did you know they have alcohol AND weed delivery in Canada??? I'm not EVER coming home
I can't, I'm busy. I've been walking around Tokyo on google maps for an hour.
taking a shot every time they compare curling to a real sport
he said I was the best sex he's ever had, handed me a burger king crown and told me to take my walk of shame with pride
Did you really lure me out of the bar with a blond holding a dunkin donuts bag? Well played sir, well played.
I don't know when it is this year, but if I ever text you an illegible text that also happens to contain sharks, Shark Week started.
It's Been clinically proven that people who have sex 6 or more times per week are happier than those who don't. Just and FYI. For your mental health. From a soon so be psychologist. Who is drunk.
This is the guy I made out with and it made me think of my dad. Let's never talk about it again.
Note to self: Never spend $8 on a liter of rum again
Just convinced a housekeeper at work to set up her 401k. Gotta start hittin the gb every morning before work. Happy 420
I think I need to start sobriety testing my Tinder dates.
I WANT TO JUMP IN TO A VOLCANO
I walked in and saw her crying and singing to her dog
Alcohol won't break your heart. I mean, unless it's all gone maybe
It's not even noon and I've had 3 people call me a savage, one of them said it in reference to the blow job I gave them. So I guess you could say it's going to be a good weekend
Randomize
