i can't help myself.. i am just so in love with the kitchen manager.
...he was wearing JNCO shorts.. i'm pretty sure i saw the dragon.
The verizon commercial has a magical pinata. Candy just keeps coming out. It must be a portal to a candy universe.
no. i seriously look so gross with this sunburn. i wouldnt even wanna bang myself. and im really into myself.
we just toasted to your mouth on alex's balls at the bar
im so drunk with asians
where?
always
I guess the cop knew i was on a walk of shame and felt bad...i got to play with the siren the rest of the way home
For the love of God you used a 40 foot extension cord to bungee jump out the off the 2 nd floor
I may or may not have traded sexual favors for Disney on Ice tickets.
"guaranteed dick" "anywhere - her room, my room, trees, couch"
Sorry that was quotes about you from the grad student.
Do you know how disconcerting it is to hear the sound a dog makes while it drinks water and find out that it's someone eating you out?
....I feel like you are deciding whether or not I'm good enough for you based on what I ordered from Chipotle.
I still think it's strange your mom saw me 93% naked with a Santa hat on and a raging boner. Tis the season right?
Our lives are a motherfucking joke
I didn't think you were that drunk until you were trying to rub your foot on my vag under the table at the thai place.
Not gonna make it. His stripper neighbors are playing a Super Bowl drinking game that involves removing my clothes
Randomize
