M and I are hungry and we are making your pizza in the fridge. But you're having sex and we're not so we dont feel bad.
Whenever someone from high school gets pregnant or has a pregnancy scare my self esteem grows a good 5 points
Just slept with my boyfriend's roomie to learn if bf was cheating on me
Good plan. When in doubt, sleep about.
The sales associate looked at me funny for wobbling in the heels i was trying on until i told her i was trying to see how well i'd be able to drunk walk in these tonight
Do you knowwwwww you never ha to pee while lhr on eztacy
Just saw 1 guy dressed as a cow and another dressed as a shrimp dancing on the side of the road. We're turning around I NEED to dance with them.
hey your mom heard me say to her " That right your not going to Shit right for a month"
Good news. I heard back from the doctor and I don't have a liver problem.
...yet.
Topless bubble bath with a lesbian is debatable as a gay experience.
Was it fun? The night started with home made Jager and ended in him falling out of a tree with a pocket full of house numbers...you tell me.
And I'm still awake, and you left me. Like the guy on Jurassic Park, that jumped out of the car expecting me to save myself while there is a man eating T-rex ready to tear my ass apart except theres a mathematician and paleontologist there to save me because they are bad asses.
And all you did was hit on me and do things "for America", so you weren't judged heavily
Please warn me if you ever end up in porn, cause I don't want to stumble across that on accident, okay?
I'm eating cake, naked, in bed. I am GREAT at being single.
My fucking earlobe is bruised what the hell
Randomize
