So we made editble underwear with fruit roll ups and fruit by the foot
P.S. I can't hear my feet
your ex dropped by. you can call me dwight howard, cuz im the king of rebounds
Well the light went out so I was throwing up by candle light. Strange moment in my life.
I just heard the term negative masterbation and I don't believe it
Does making ice cubes at 4 in the morning count as being productive?
It was one of the greatest weekends of my life. And that's even after factoring in spraying myself in the face with the bidet.
Just ushered a raccoon across the street so yeah.. Good night
Someone came in the potted fern
He said he doesnt believe in the female orgasm,so no I did not have sex with him.
How my distance relationship is going: he's trying to sext me & I'm stuffing pizza in my face.
We just fucked each other sober. #goteam
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
Still riding the magical train of drugs so, yeah, Id say I feel great
So someone just asked us for our kidneys?!?
Randomize
