I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
worst 3rd wheel sitch ever. i'm crammed into a booth with him and chubs mcgee and his hand is between her legs. thank youuu karma.
Please don't use social media to get back at me.
They're donating plasma together for extra money. Couple of the fucking century.
I learned his name tonight. This now makes him a real person. Obviously, I no longer want to sleep with him.
Around noon tomorrow come looking for me. I'll be on Mill wearing whatever clothes I haven't lost yet. DO NOT REPLY. DO NOT ASK QUESTIONS. JUST DO IT.
Basically as long as the fan is pointed at my vagina i can cool off enough to sleep.
New drinking game. Every time Romney and Santorum switch leads, take a shot.
....this is what your political science major is getting you?
So are you actually going to come fuck me in the ass this weekend, or was that just you being drunk in a kilt?
Making cookies for neighbors. Spill beer all over dough. Bake anyways. From good neighbors back to the shitty college kids next door in under 3 seconds.
Who wrote "the chamber of secrets has been open, enemies of the heir beware" across my bathroom wall?
I think the best course of action at this point is to cut his balls off to get him to stop reproducing
Dude I puked in a snow bank and then fell face first into it
The ecstacy made me so dehydrated I started licking condensation off car windows
I literally JUST MADE IT to the liquor store. I bought a box of wine with the lights off
Randomize
