I just accidently deleted 60 gigs of porn from my external hard drive. Thats over 300 pornos! I think im gonna cry.
Im surprised that you are even able to text me right now.
It's like a mixture of two words
"town" and "Im too drunk to spell right now"
bottle of wine in one hand cigar in the other. 5 am. topless on our fire escape. and she cleaned our bathroom... i like his new girlfriend.
I was literally convinced that the turkey wrap i was eating was keeping me alive. And i couldnt have been happier. That high.
God I hope my hair dresser doesn't realize that all these hairspiration pictures are from gay porn blogs on tumblr.
Exactly. Motivated vaginas are the best kind of vagina
Went to a wedding reception last night, came home with a Christmas tree and the rest of the keg
My mom comes home from her weekend with her lesbian co-workers and asks "You wanna know how I got these bruises?" I've never been more torn about anything EVER.
There's always a silver lining when massive voluptuous tits are involved
If everything else in my life fails, at least I just had one of my top orgasms
The selfie stick gets 5 stars bc it really added a fun element to my sex tape
I know I'm moving in six days but getting wine drunk and laying in bed just sounds so good right now
Sorry about my life...
That awkward moment when you are on your way to ICU and the only sympathy gift you can think of is beer and whiskey
He fucked me harder than I've ever been fucked before and afterwards he started crying and profusely apologizing to god and baby Jesus for his sin.
Randomize
