dude your girlfriend loves you alot..she yelled your name lastnight in bed
I love memorial day. It's drinking in the name of patriotism. God Bless America
i think i pulled off the nice guy thing too well. it just backfired later on when she thought i was actually nice.
i was actually impressed that she managed to throw up underwater while scuba diving
then she stuck her tongue in my ass
I thought we were talking about reason you aren't going to marry her?
you fell asleep spooning with his golden retriever. im not sure if thats more degrading for you or the dog
Come on Nikki god gave you a vagina for a reason, so you could tell guys what kind of shots to buy you
I'm sexting at the thanksgiving dinner table...this is a new holiday tradition.
Weve literally been going out drinking five days a week. That counts as a full time job right?
In the midst of you puking your guts out, you stopped, looked at the globe in front of you and whispered "America.."
I passed out with my wizard stick taped to my hands and got woken up being poked with a St. Bernard
He ripped down his Kate Upton poster while we were having sex last night. Im gonna take that as a good sign.
We found you walking up the on ramp to the highway carrying a 40 mph speed limit sign with no shoes on. Rough night?
I showered three hours ago and yet feel the need for another one already. This is my day.
It's his. I know, I'm pregnant with a genetic douche bag but at least he'll be pretty!
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