Your dad touched me again.
i want to bang the Snorg tees girl.. shes always smiling ;)
Since my computer broke, i've been masterbating to girls gone wild. I feel like i'm in the 90's.
Yea...but the guy who is beating me has a ponytail. So actually, I'm the winner here.
20 yrs from now I just want to barge in her house and yell at her kids, "I took ur moms virginity!"
he said i was the most charming throwing up drunk person hes ever taken care of. so of course i had sex with him.
We're trying to decide between cracker barrel an the ER
I liked a picture of him with his pants around his ankles, if that doesn't say I'm into you, I don't know what does.
According to you, you were with your "Eskimo bro for life" last night.
EVERYTHING IS DISNEY. Even my sexting can lead to Disney.
I'm curious as to what my outfit choices drunk me made for this weekend.
Double check your contract and see if it says anything about sleeping with your manager
You snapped me at 3am drunk laying on your floor asking if I knew how we couldn't have predicted the housing crisis.
its like my accent is a device for a 100% chance of sex every time i leave the apartment. i love being english in this country.
I just woke and had to fish my phone out of a bowl of chili. I was wrist deep in it. WHO BROUGHT CHILI TO A PARTY?!
its not chili. and you brought it.
Randomize
