I cant believe we actually had a nipple party!
This can't be good. I've realized that I weigh less in the morning after I have had a blackout drunk night than when I work out and eat healthy.
You guessed 7 of 8 bra sizes correctly. You're like a drunk rainman.
His roomates just started party boying me. He stood there with the look of horror on his face.
you try finding a go kart track at 4 AM on Thanksgiving
I have just figured that it takes exactly 2 and a half rums to clean the bathroom..
I also was calling every child by their name "Birthcontrol" - straight people are fun
She kept saying how cute and adorable I was. I felt like a care bear getting a blowjob
I just hit myself in the face while taking off my shirt. I could never be a stripper.
being sober in physics class makes me realize the regularity with which i show up to it still drunk
you taught an eight year old how to shotgun a half pint of chocolate milk, that's all i'm saying
I walked into Anna's room this morning and she was like teary eyed, with pizza sauce all over the place
Are you coming down for 4/20 or does Easter kinda fuck that up for you?
Last night was fun. Sorry I slipped out before you woke up
Also, your parents get up REALLY early. Please thank them for the bagel and travel mug of coffee. Happy Thanksgiving!
Dude, she stopped mid blow job to ask the cat's name. ADHD might be a deal breaker after all.
Randomize
