my debutante medallion kept hitting his balls when i went down on him
She got a tattoo in memory of her cat, my attratcion to her is no more.
You unbuttoned your shirt and started walking down the center of the road screaming traffic stops for Enrique Iglesias.
Housekeeping called in a homicide detective. Just spent an hour explaining that we had vigorous hotel vacation sex five times, even though I was having a heavy flow day. It'll definitely be what you call a memorable honeymoon.
I need to cry about outer space to someone. Can I call you?
He acted like he was sleep fucking because I woke up to him screwing me in the middle of the night and he had is eyes closed and was mumbling things the whole time and wouldn't respond to me.
Is that even possible?
I called him by the wrong name to test him and he instantly stopped, rolled over and acted like he was still sleeping...I think he might break up with me tomorrow.
Can I put tequila in the fish bowl? I think he wants to party too
They were out of soap so you started calling yourself a dirty bitch
Is it illegal to hookup with your fathers god child?
Pussy, Peanut Butter Cookies,and Bubble Wrap
If you're signed up as "sober sister" can you do cocaine or nah
YOu just turned down my vagina. Something must be wrong. Vegas changed you!
Apparently, im the only one in the world who thinks Larry King is hot.
I saw a drunk guy run across the street with an American flag between his buttcheeks.
She woke up, peed in the sink and then passed out again, it's only 2 in the afternoon
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