i may or may not have puked on your loofa in the shower.
remember what we learned. dont lure girls w/ food at the bar. u dont want those ones
you wouldn't come out from under your bed because you said there were six-armed bears everywhere.
ohhh that explains the pepperonis I found in my sock drawer this morning...
no it doesn't.
My drunk body wants to fuck you so bad, but my high mind is telling me it's too much work. I think I'm just gonna stay home and eat some Mac and cheese. Sorry.
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
In the ER. 2nd degree burns. Drunken attempt to make gasoline scented candles.
I guess I really am the only person in this world who can successfully have a no-strings-attached threesome on the beach.
When he goes down on me, he stares me in the eyes like a shark mocking it's prey as it devours it. Plus, his beard smells like dirty gym socks. This has got to end.
you picked up the vacuum cleaner at one point and said you we gonna beat the shit out of me with it. that was kinda funny
Well... When your girlfriend fucks your sister, the 2 week courtesy window goes out the door.
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
I thought it was a myth but I have just reached the age of sitting on my balls. Not a fan.
Would your heart desire to drink copious amounts of alcohol tonight?
Germany has fetish clubs for everything. We are going to Germany. Germany is our friend.
I've seen you dance and let's just say its a good thing you don't have a small dick
This is my college life. Rolling at 4PM on a Wednesday to skrillex in the parking lot of a mexican restaurant.
He's only giving you free adderall so you can focus on his dick.