coke and sex party at dan's
im watching greys anatomy with megan...
the best part about being a teacher is there are always 20 little kids around me to blame my farts on
he was actually really polite. he asked before he came on my chest because he "wasn't sure my stance on it".
I'm in the library if you wanna come give me library head.
Next time when I try to seductively eat onion rings while drunk remind me of tonight.
thanks for waiting 12 hours to ask if I was in a ditch or not
I miss the good ol' days when we would yell at strangers from your balcony while wearing our mexican ponchos in the middle of the day.
what ever happened to our old dealer?
do you remember yelling at the waitress that you were a power bottom?
Either sorry for fondling you Saturday or thank you for letting me fondle you Saturday.
Interesting occurrence: the application I use to keep track of my periods and sexual encounters just notified me it had been over 4 months since you were logged as an active partner and ask if I'd like to remove you from my options. Wow, kmsl.
I'm like still hungover from the quinceanera.
No, the high point was when you stood on a chair and shouted you were the god of tits and wine.
Living alone for four weeks has given me unrealistic expectations of pantslessness.
There is a huge fucking spider in my bathroom....I can just burn our apartment down right? What do you need me to grab?
Despite breaking my phone, thumb, and my dignity, last night was pretty good.