your transformation into a slut upon entering college is like a shakespearian tragedy
Having an 'SDSU Mom' sticker is just like say 'Hi, my daughter has an std"
I just woke up on my kitchen floor using a yellow pages as a pillow and surrounded by plants that used to be in the garden around my apt building, can't wait to see the security tapes for my eviction
My vagina makes bad decisions like its her job
Here’s Everything Coming To Netflix This July
Talking her gay man friend into dancing with me officially makes me the world's best wingman. ever.
I need to move out. I just walk of shamed my way into a family breakfast party. There's no response when grandma says "where you coming from in heels at 9AM?"
The last thing i remember is saying breakfast beer and carrying the keg to my room and locking the door.
They kept barging in on us saying random shit. At one point they came in yelling room service! and threw soda at us bruising my foot. Weirdest injury I have gotten during sex.
At first I was horrified but then he explained that he shave a "soul patch" on his balls... And I was still horrified, but I went with it.
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someone wrote my own number down on my hand and then call me.
we were both freshly single and using each other as rebounds. most intense sex I've ever had. i felt like a grizzly bear emerging from hibernation in a whirlwind of sexual fury
You put on a bike helmet, yelled "doesn't matter fuck it" then punched a stick the fire
valentines day is a day for loved ones to share. So me and my vibrator. Happy holidays.
I don't want to resort to having sex with people that actually like me.
Dude I'm drinking alone and watching cartoons. How is it that someone as hot as me is doing this.