I was so drunk last night i ate cereal with a fork.
Peed in a church parking lot last night. As if Jesus didnt hate me enough already.
i have only one word for you: 3somewithnorwegiangirls
Drinking with a woman who gave an anti-drugs speech at my high school. Somehow, not surprised.
I'm handcuffed to your bathroom sink. Save me.
She wants to have naked weekends
They call that free range vagina in France
He'd pee in it. And since it's PBR I'd have no idea
At one point 12 people dressed in care bear onesies were up on stage grinding super nasty, and two of the girl Care Bears were making out.
If this wasn't a hallucination, we need to go to this magical kingdom every night of the week.
I sense naked hashbrown eating in my near future.
Strip Simon Says: DO IT
He ate me out while I finished season 1 of Stranger Things. If that's not a modern day relationship goal, then I don't know what is.
I'm now forever going to blame miss frizzle for making me the sexual deviant that I am today
he told me he had a gf and in the very next sentence asked if I wanted to have sex.
He did a backflip because drugs
Who put the toilet in the living room? This is extremely inconvenient right now.
Randomize
