Saved 180 Bucks tonight. Pulled my own tooth. More money to party with.
I just came up with the perfect plan. Once i'm a dentist i'm going to offer dad a million dollars to divorce mom.
Day two of taking my adderall. I just organized the pantry and alphabetized my dvds. I've missed my mind on drugs
I JUST REALIZED HOW SOFT YOUR TABLE IS! and I also just started rolling
25 Shocking High School Scandals You Won’t Believe Are True
you better take a shot tonight for every cat you have ever seen and wanted. this is a lot of cats.
We still on for coffee?
Cream and sugar. Deliver to planned parenthood in 45.
I told him I liked how shrimp feels in my mouth, but I don't actually like eating it. Turned out to be the most awkward way to say that I wanted to suck his dick.
Oh yes there is. Now I'm the sad one. Please organize my life. And I will demoralize yours.
I shouldn't be that hard, but i cant exactly put "a guy to tie me up and fuck me and then brush my hair" in my dating profile
Guy Shares All The ‘New Discoveries’ He’s Made Since Moving In With His Girlfriend And It’s Hilariously Relatable
if i had known the extra weight would have gone to my tits, i would have started drinking years ago
It is a fiery spray of napalm-covered beautiful words that leave a flaming "fuck you" on the ground after I destroy him.
He made a toga out of my hot pink bed sheets and cracked an egg on his head. Then he proceeded to alphabetize our DVD collection, which was impressive because I'm 99% sure he couldn't have done that sober.
Holy shit I've found my last one night stand in my Gran's knitting club
Well... I got her number now... I think she is a dish best served drunk
I had sex with a boy who lives in a closet, that's like having sex with Harry Potter, right?
Randomize
