Texts From Last Night

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  (503): View more from Oregon

  it was the least impressive dick i've ever seen... and i've changed babies' diapers.

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  (503): it was the least impressive dick i've ever seen... and i've changed babies' diapers. http://tfl.nu/k78j
  Replies (35) Good night (793) Bad night (7531)
• Favorite

  (815): View more from Illinois

  it was great that she threw up because that made me the only one trying to hook up with her

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  (815): it was great that she threw up because that made me the only one trying to hook up with her http://tfl.nu/ai8t
  Replies (13) Good night (1378) Bad night (5609)
• Favorite

  (330): View more from Ohio

  She kept saying I was her favorite Jonas brother, and for some reason, I was ok with that.

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  (330): She kept saying I was her favorite Jonas brother, and for some reason, I was ok with that. http://tfl.nu/ix7p
  Replies (15) Good night (4008) Bad night (1831)
• Favorite

  (847): View more from Illinois

  She guessed my name 9 times, and 5 of those times she guessed Mike. Figured that'd be an easy target for the night.

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  (847): She guessed my name 9 times, and 5 of those times she guessed Mike. Figured that'd be an easy target for the night. http://tfl.nu/sdtr
  Replies (17) Good night (6051) Bad night (1261)
• Favorite

  (203): View more from Connecticut

  Watching that soccer game was like getting kicked in the crotch for an hour and half and then coming right at the end.

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  (203): Watching that soccer game was like getting kicked in the crotch for an hour and half and then coming right at the end. http://tfl.nu/e1gy
  Replies (56) Good night (9102) Bad night (1661)
• Favorite

  (973): View more from New Jersey

  I've never been so embarrassed. It's like waking up as Fred Durst.

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  (973): I've never been so embarrassed. It's like waking up as Fred Durst. http://tfl.nu/4se8
  Replies (16) Good night (1328) Bad night (904)
• Favorite

  (425): View more from Washington

  You need to fuck him. The man has his own Wikipedia.

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  (425): You need to fuck him. The man has his own Wikipedia. http://tfl.nu/758u
  Replies (7) Good night (1758) Bad night (472)
• Favorite

  (731): View more from Tennessee

  We had to go to his parents last night for dinner & ended up having a quickie in the bathroom while everyone else was outside smoking.. This is why we have a successful marriage.

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  (731): We had to go to his parents last night for dinner & ended up having a quickie in the bathroom while everyone else was outside smoking.. This is why we have a successful marriage. http://tfl.nu/1q8x
  Replies (5) Good night (2906) Bad night (548)
• Favorite

  (479): View more from Arkansas

  The narcoleptic neighbor conked out while taking her dog out again. Drinking game based on what the dog does and how long she's out. You in?

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  (479): The narcoleptic neighbor conked out while taking her dog out again. Drinking game based on what the dog does and how long she's out. You in? http://tfl.nu/vsmz
  Replies (1) Good night (1390) Bad night (534)
• Favorite

  (615): View more from Tennessee

  And then you asked me why my legs were so thick and started measuring them with a ruler

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  (615): And then you asked me why my legs were so thick and started measuring them with a ruler http://tfl.nu/itqd
  Replies (5) Good night (348) Bad night (945)
• Favorite

  (615): View more from Tennessee

  Vodka tonic time....wish me luck!

  (1-615): View more from Tennessee

  Go for it my man. I'm saving my shit show night for tomorrow. Gonna make it a big one just to let the entire bar know why I'm single

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  (615): Vodka tonic time....wish me luck! (1-615): Go for it my man. I'm saving my shit show night for tomorrow. Gonna make it a big one just to let the entire bar know why I'm single http://tfl.nu/b04m
  Replies (3) Good night (680) Bad night (741)
• Favorite

  (310): View more from California

  he puked in the sink and didnt turn off the water before he passed out on the bathroom floor. its been 2 hrs and we finally noticed that the whole fucking house is flooded. to hell with this birthday party

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  (310): he puked in the sink and didnt turn off the water before he passed out on the bathroom floor. its been 2 hrs and we finally noticed that the whole fucking house is flooded. to hell with this birthday party http://tfl.nu/v00e
  Replies (1) Good night (408) Bad night (1064)
• Favorite

  (512): View more from Texas

  He balanced a treat on his nose, and then he rolled me a joint. My bf is the best pet ever.

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  (512): He balanced a treat on his nose, and then he rolled me a joint. My bf is the best pet ever. http://tfl.nu/bmne
  Replies (1) Good night (809) Bad night (329)
• Favorite

  (516): View more from New York

  I held the blackjack dealer's hand and told the old asian woman she was 'soft to the touch, but cold as ice"

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  (516): I held the blackjack dealer's hand and told the old asian woman she was 'soft to the touch, but cold as ice" http://tfl.nu/h37t
  Replies (0) Good night (530) Bad night (283)
• Favorite

  (248): View more from Michigan

  Let's put a bunch of beers in a backpack and shotgun them in a Red Lobster bathroom

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  (248): Let's put a bunch of beers in a backpack and shotgun them in a Red Lobster bathroom http://tfl.nu/b9b7
  Replies (1) Good night (392) Bad night (185)

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