I'm so drunk that I ordered a root beer at the bar. Whoops?
Then I opened the closet and then i found the babies
I love how I just got my coachella ticket and ecstasy in a package deal.
We ran out of toilet paper the last week, so we just took showers to pee
He's drunk and putting on a tie for the jimmy john's delivery guy
Just watched the couple I sit for and 4 of their friends shotgun beers like college kids. Please let this be us when we get older.
These headphones make me feel like I'm sitting on John Mayers lap and he's singing just to me. I picture like a pitch black room with a single spotlight on us. Also, convinced Kyle to give me percocet soo.
We did naked snow angels in 14 degree weather, you can't tell me you had more liquor at that party
Dude before you bang that chick preheat the oven to 425 I wanna make a pizza for afties
Just bought the plane tickets. Light headed. Blood rush to clit oh god blue clit. Mayday mayday vagina down!
YOU'RE FORCING ME TO BLOW A GUY BY NOT ANSWERING MY CALLS
Please tell me there is not a bookmark on your browser with the title "Christmas Porn"
I was just thrown into the pool and now I'm surrounded by men... You would think this is the dream but I'm just confused
I wouldn't hate if he could handle a sex only type of ship. I really don't want to use the word "relation" in front of that.
Preface: Im drunk. But i think id make a good assasin. That is all.