I'm so glad you fill me in on these things.
Sorry. Must've been trying to twitter.
I attract so much trash. The guy that is engaged and kissed me is here so is his fiancé. I feel likeshw knows and will cut me in the bathroom might happen. If I'm not at the pool tomorrow she has blonde hair and is really flat.
I've decided to only have meaningless sex from now on.
And what brought this epiphany?
I've decided it's a lot easier to have dirty amazing sex with someone when you don't care about the other person or what they think of you. I'm going to test this theory soon. Will update you later
I could give you a full detailed description of 75% of the penises in that room
These 25 Drunks Should’ve Gotten Cut Off A Long Time Ago
i called my mom using *69 and said this was the principal and Matt has a snow a day today. she believed me.
I just realized that I'm gonna have to lower my standards if I want random head.
seriously my hangover is so bad I feel like my eye lashes make blinking a workout
Mym mom just came downstairs as I got ghome ans I'm trying to act SO CASUAL as i stabdh here hut icant help bur be like 'girl where's ther Turkey sandwiche s' haahaa
I literally need you to talke care of me soooo9o9oooooo drubj gril makin a sabdwiche. SO far its judst bred and paper towel...
We told you to stay put for 2 minutes. We come back out and your being handcuffed yelling "DO YOU FEEL LIKE A GOOD FUCKING PERSON ARRESTING ME ON MY BIRTHDAY?!"
27 Freshmen Who Really Didn’t Know What They Were Getting In To
You are very nonchalant about the high probability of us having an orgy.
Eh, I'm ok with this, this can work. We're the best kind of the worst people.
I am going to ride along with a cop tonight so please don't get arrested because that would be super awkward for me.
I'm out of town so we should be golden.
Jesus christmas you are like the Martha Stewart of threeway planning
Dude...I slept walked to the free condom bin in the lounge last night. I don't know why.
So....I just took a paddle fan on high speed to the side of the head while getting head...still finished the job, good thing I'm drunk and couldn't feel it.
Sex in a hot air balloon, top that one!