I got my half for the rent already.I called the cops on the drug dealer neighbor and got a 500 bucks as a reward
you left your dildo in my car
rules of finders keepers apply
He was so drunk that he tried to backflip off a baby chair.. How do you think that ended?
And then she said "sorry if my vagina smells like fish, it's just active."
27 Of The Most NSFW Life Hacks
trying to line up a DD for St Pats Day. i guarantee i will put out. or puke and pass out. really its 50/50 at this point.
When I sent you a text telling you to splash water on your face, you texted me back with 'Iwehre N qyull.'
Hundreds of bug bites..Dad jokingly says "looks like you passed out naked in the woods somewhere"
I projectile vomited in his sisters room where the toiled would have been if it were the bathroom.
There's a man in a pumpkin/reaper outfit advertising a new head shop outside the Taco Bell. I love this town.
23 Disturbing Small-Town Horror Stories
Just had a 40 min argument about how many celebrity guest appearances on Sesame Street were court ordered for DUIs.
Ugh. I guess I'm crying loudly or something. My mom just came in and gave me milk, chocolate, a Xanax, and her weed "for the break up blues". Her ways of affection are so odd.
So I've discovered that being hungover at 25 feels the same as being hungover at 24. Happy Birthday to me.
idk man, I was fucked up and eating fried rice at the grocery store, tried to wave at her but she just looked concerned at me.
Yeah no problem. What are blow job angels for anyways
Taylor Swift needs more songs about threesomes. I'm not sure she gets me anymore.