You just compared our sex life to a seven year old kid.
I just put lube in Matt's bellybutton. He looks unhappy.
I think my plan to not drink this week was just ruined by my mothers discovery of the chat function on facebook
According to the transitive property, he has now had dick in his mouth.
What I wanna know is who took a picture eiffel towering her?
he's washing the lighter in the sink and telling me to picture unicorns. requesting backup.
You three are like the Bermuda Triangle for morals.
I just saw her shopping list. The only things on it are blackberries, hot fudge and condoms. I almost don't wanna know. Almost.
You do resemble something that has been used as a chew toy.
My new successful method of booty calling is sending a screencap of a map with the shortest route from their location to mine highlighted.
Like I want to yell at him for pissing on my floor but there's still a chance its my pee....
you told me you wanted to be a soccer mom with a high tolerance then you put the bottle to your face
i had to win in rock paper scissors, get called a fat whore, and make two dudes get in a fight so we could call next game on the table and you make zero cups. thanks asshole.
I would like to make it known to all of you that my penis is official retired, but it thanks you for the countless years of service you provided
Drunk. Send nudes. Just curious.
Randomize
