take 3 tylenol pm's and try playing basketball.
he asked me to hangout with him...and his son
I have a feeling that watching gay porn with you was the reason I was dancing in a hurricane of floating dicks in my dream last night.
will you please explain to me as to why or how i have a dirtbike tread looking bruise on my back?
You guys don't happened to be dressed as gladiators, do you?
at the end of the day, college isnt gonna be for everyone... and some of us are just going to have to learn how to breathe underwater while sucking cock.
currently waiting for her to check in on Facebook, the second she does I'm there. someone is getting laid tonight
I'm not stalking, she is pretty much begging me to come find her if she checks in
When we were eating pie last night, I dropped some, and not only did you not judge me for far surpassing the 5 second rule, you let me use your foot to sock mop with. You're a good friend.
Doing bumps while the kids play upstairs. #bestnannyever
you were caressing the jar of pickles then you looked down and whispered to them "I want you inside me"
Look, he's a hot korean guy with a motorcycle and a great ass. I'm gonna do head-titingly kinky shit with him.
Sitting in my junior high parking lot high on ambien talking to a stranger I met on tinder. What is life?
We found you with your penis in the vacum hose crying softly...
I have easymac and six pack of beer. This night can't get any better.
PROBABLY?!! And here I was, about to buy you a glow-in-the-dark banana-flavored cock ring... Now I "probably" won't.
Randomize
