Yea I just took my 1st pregnancy test. Turns out I am just fat. Also I haven't been with anyone in 3 months, which is clearly making me crazy.
It's never good when you wake up covered with burns
It's offcial there's a Bobby Light radio station on pandora.
Im embracing the luau theme and maybe bringing a kiddie pool filled with alcohol. Im also embracing the high probability I will not remember this night.
ALL CAPS CUZ ITS SERIOUS SHAME.
I kindof just wanted to go downstairs and let his dad know how good his son was at sex
You left for an hour, then walked up to us at the bar, pulled 80 dollars out of your bra and yelled " drinks are on him".
Did you blow the guy you weren't supposed to hook up with again in the bathroom of pita pit? Cause that happened last night...
I only saw you for about 5 min, but you were rambling about how not even the whiskey could make you fight the skeleton guards.
My card got declined when I tried to buy dippin dots at 2 am, the lady gave them to me for free because "I looked like I needed them."
You're like the fucking Mozart of sexting.
Its guy fieris flavor town of suffering™
The first time he ever tried to hold my hand, I moon walked away.
fuck school, let's just become the worst strippers ever
So you just held his hand and he fucking came...?
Randomize
