Yeah. I hotboxed a windbreaker.
so literally, as soon as i tripped and fell and hit the floor the earthquake started. hows THAT for a self esteem boost?
this is like black Friday for my dealer. I'm literally standing in line.
She was crying, alone at a college bar. It would have been rude NOT to try and show my penis to her.
He woke me up at 4am just to lick my nipple. Then he talked in his sleep for 20 minutes about the sex we just had. I think it's safe to say he's a weird one, but I dont care cuz he fucks like a champ.
Is it sad that I just used my electrical knowledge to not only fix but improve my vibrator?
u girls! girls! girls! have fun please don't hook up w/ a roadie! Love, mom
I just need some dick and some jimmy johns
Apparently he walked into the room and started yelling at some huge hairy dude to get out of my room. Except it wasn't my room... Because he was on the fourth floor.
I'm in public and Taylor Swift is playing. It is taking all my effort to not screech like a goat.
Dave is getting a lap dance to the venga boys
this is not a drill
don't judge but I think I'm gonna go fuck a dad this weekend
We shared a dick. We're practically sisters!
Can you face time me. I need to know if this pill is xanex or ecstasy
Your drunk self managed to not pee on anyone's bed
Go me
I'm actually proud
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