Oh fyi, I gave your card to a homeless guy last night and told him you were the world's hottest blonde girl who only likes black men...Sorry
I was going to clean my house but wine sounded better
I just pooped in his toilet and didn't flush...I desperately need to get him past the girls don't poop phase.
she asked me if i wanted her to take her wedding ring off while she was giving me a handjob.
I'm going as Jenn Sterger if she answered Favre's calls and ended up in a trash can. If I don't get laid tonight I'm going to be pissed
This hot topless Jamaican just ran down the st with me on his back and He was screaming "I be stealing yo white ladies."
I don't know if i should be jealous or worried... or question where you are.
Like some sort of pot growing robin hood.
Just did coke off of a cross necklace and am headed to the strip club. Happy Easter!
You can't tell me you've honestly NEVER considered smoking a Froot Loop
Shotgunning beers to finish a midterm project at 3am is a good idea right?
I feel like I would find myself in so much trouble if I hadn't married my DD.
Fuck it, I'm going to make my own dick pic album since iOS 10 won't do it for me.
We were driving past a farm when he screamed at me to stop the car, then he jumped out and tried to ride a cow.
When he pulled out it sounded like a balloon deflating
im pretty sure i tried to use axe body spray to cover up the strong urine smell coming from my jeans. im also pretty sure that it didnt work.
Randomize
