If they ask for a stool sample we r no longer friends.
the boobs are fake... i feel like i just found out santa isn't real.
Ricky Martin is gay. You owe me $10 from 3rd grade.
We're going clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
What will that accomplish?
It will accomplish clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
My warmest regards to the fish in that koi pond I puked in.
I've been meaning to ask you. The first night in the city did we do key bumps with a suicidal homeless man? My memory is fuzzy
The highlight of my night was definitely explaining the bandaid on my nipple.
I woke up to find his roommate face down on the couch with no pants on, with a sticky note that said "was lost but now am found"
That does it. We're drinking til we're pirates.
.As long as you're some how patriotic with your sexual escapades, I can support it.
Welcome to the single world where it seems vibrator batteries are in short supply and making a sandwich while naked at 2am is relatively normal
I'll be there with bells on. And by "bells" I mean "jäger bombs". And by "on" I mean "being poured down my gullet".
I woke up sick this morning, maybe sucking a random dudes finger at a bar last night wasn't that clean of an idea.....
Dude, you need better judgement.Trust me I know. I put my dick in the wrong mouths all the time
Drunk me says 72 hours of Mexican Viagra and room service.Sober me says we stopped being lovers for a reason after the last lost weekend.
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