Im listening to a jazz version of dick in a box.
I just called a child with a Yankees jersey a jerkoff. so much for a friendly day @ the ballpark
told my boyfriend i was a virgin so he wouldnt feel bad since he is. now hes asking why his dick is so itchy. should i tell him why?
i don't see why you should, it's not like you told the other guys with the itchy dicks.
I wasn't on board with that statement until "home made dinosaurs"
My one night stand found me at the library and randomly gave me plan B. He was scared I was going to get pregnant because he has a very high sperm count.
Her mom caught her drunk streaking when she was 12. Of course she's perfect for me.
Is it some european holiday today? We both woke up to find loaves of bread in our rooms...
I just wanna go somewhere and not be judged for wearing spandex shorts that make my ass look like a slice of fucking heaven. Is that so much to ask??
Uhh... I think I meant "Be proud, I'm taking shots before my public speaking test." "Coffee and vodka is not good" and "Also, I'm giving blood drunk."
i fucking swear, saying shit like "i dont get jealous" is like personally inviting your slutty friend to fuck the guy you slept with like a month ago
I might have pissed in the corner of someone's shed. They have nice lawn mower.
I didn't think it was possible but he dislocated his thumb during intercourse last night then cried
I'm wearing a fleece onesie eating pop tarts on the train to work. Killing it.
A relationship is waiting for him to fall asleep so you can cum (finally!) while watching porn
anything below 65° is too cold to be naked on a roof
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