Happy hour is for amateurs. Been drunk since 1230. Fell asleep in a disney viewing of UP. Went to the roosevelt and drank more. Now im stumbling around the grove.
the real housewives of new jersey finale is tonight. it makes me wish we had pot.
I told her I would melt her with my mustache. Needless to say, he pants were soon off.
She made me role-play everything from an older prof to a in-patient in need of a medical exam. Yay for cocaine.
You sucked on the drag queens heel. It got that rough.
we walked around the neighborhood with caution tape tied around our foreheads, making indian noises. I might have disturbed a crime scene to make a native american headdress.
Just come here and visit. Enjoy the deliciousness of me being legal. Just don't think, and come here right meow. meow meow meow.
No, she isn't nearly as crazy as the girl who wanted to wear a vial of my semen as a necklace.
We decided it was acceptable to walk out of class on a quest for Doritos. That high.
I am officially now FB friends with my arresting officer.
Why is my hat full of peanuts?
Don't throw them out, I'm on my way
I responded with "neat-o burrito" to his SEXT...he tried so hard and I just panicked.
After I chugged my beer the cop slapped my ass and said "atta girl" this can't be real life.
I refuse to take any type of advice let alone love advice from a motherfucker who is missing 3 fingers from a Fucked up masturbating accident.
I bet he’d be surprised by the epic blow job he’d get if he stopped talking about his wife long enough for me to get in the mood
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